Are You Superstitious?

Hospitals have a strange way of attaching memories to ordinary places.
A hallway. A waiting room. An elevator you ride without thinking.

For me, one of those elevators holds a superstition … and a moment of love I’ve never wanted to rewrite.

Sunday, March 8, 12 PM

I love these dual-purpose blogs. Writers know what I’m talking about. You can use a post you intend to write and ride along with the popularity of a Daily Prompt question. It brings added attention for larger readership.

Today their question is ‘Are you superstitious‘. Am I? Keep reading to the end. But I will say this now. There was a black cat once in the street. It was the morning of one of my medical procedures. That happened a few years back and I thought that was spookily eerie in a way.

Speaking of Medicine…

…here’s the second purpose of tagging along with Daily Prompt. I have an appointment coming up with my radiation/oncologist this week, so I can add it here too.

It will be the first visit with him since beginning Lupron injections. It’s used for hormonal therapy during cancer treatment.

I saw the urologist a few weeks back and since my first dose last November my numbers have lowered. He also gave me my second dose. It’s doing what it’s supposed to do by not feeding the disease any testosterone. But…it has side effects and only given once every three months.

Black Cats and a Little Superstition

Why black cats? Maybe I am superstitious after all. If I am, those superstitions have come from my friend Xuan Xu. After an interview with her a couple years back, she chose a black cat in a box. It became a Christmas Tree ornament for me that first year of treatment.

With Xuan dressed as a ‘black cat’ as a cover photo, I give you her casting a love spell. Hopefully it just takes time to work as love hasn’t found me yet.

Cancer Treatment Side Effects

I laugh at the side effects I’m having. It’s not laughter of joy but because I’m aware they’re possible. I’m prepared for them. Laughter in sarcasm best describes it.

Hot flashes have been one of them. I went through them with heart disease so they’re nothing new. Joint pain has bothered me for years; it’s par for the course. I’m on blood pressure medication and it’s often checked. Mark that one off the list too.

Brain fog has hit me a couple of times. I know exactly what I want to say—even the words themselves—but they just won’t come out. Knowing it’s a possible side effect beforehand is helpful. It prevents me from instantly wondering if it’s something worse like dementia.

Three that would drive me insane – impotency, gynecomastia, and shrinking of the testes I don’t think about. While I joke If my boobs grow, I’ll pick out a female name. Humor. Can’t control it so why not laugh?

The most critical is depression. Fortunately, my primary jumped on that possibility months ago. She prescribed an anti-depressant medication daily to help fight it off.

Monday, March 9, 8 PM

I really should get a picture of the neighbor’s black cat that keeps showing up for the Daily Prompt crowd. 🐈‍⬛ Tomorrow, perhaps.

A Christmas Tree Full of Support

Yes, my Christmas tree is still up.

It’s covered with ornaments and hearts that friends chose to support me through treatment. Each one signifies encouragement and kindness. They embody the strength those friends have shared with me as I make my way toward this oncology appointment.

I decided to add this short clip because it says something words alone can’t. It shows my sincerity and deep gratitude for the friends who have stood beside me throughout this fight.

For now, the lights stay on.

Thank you, everyone. I love you all.

Tuesday, March 10, 4 PM

The neighbor’s black cat made an appearance today. Slipping quietly across the yard as if it knew it had a role to play in this story. Maybe it’s just a cat being a cat. Or maybe it’s a small reminder that life still sends little moments of mystery our way. I’ll take it as a good sign. 🐈‍⬛

Wednesday, March 11, 8 AM

Just a few hours away from my appointment with oncology. I don’t think I’ve said this before, but you wait anxiously for each appointment months on end. Then the day arrives and that anxiousness turns to worry that the disease leads to death.

For years, I’ve hung on to this message from Shannen Doherty. I feel much the same way she did before she passed due to her own cancer.

I’m really not afraid of death. But I’m not done living yet either. If you asked me my biggest fear, it would be not talking one last time to those I care about. That’s why with those I’m close to; I make it a habit of bugging them often. Sometimes, I come up with some excuse just to write and say hi.

My motto is, let people know how you feel, life is too short not to. You never know when the last goodbye is coming or the regret someone may have by not hearing from you. Or you by them before something actually happens.

As I head off to my appointment, I give you one of my favorite songs. Written and sung by friend Alison O’Brien. When it comes to inspiration and reflections, she offers a lot.

My Oncology Appointment This Week

I feel like I can breathe again. So much had been eating away at me with the lack of communication between my urologist and oncologist. The vibes were causing as much grief as the cancer itself. Today, after a long discussion with the oncologist, things were put to rest.

We discussed everything gnawing at me. From the talk of surgery and its possible side effect which could lead to rectal problems. And the Cystoscopy that was performed on me late last year that was unnecessary.

When all was said, he gave me a referral for a medical oncologist. Now he can go back to what he’s trained to do and that’s radiation oncology. And we’ll just be by passing the urologist all together.

We also discussed a treatment plan that could have me staying on the Lupron and one other drug for the long haul. That would be ‘the treatment’ along with keeping an eye on PSA and testosterone numbers.

For now, he’s scheduled two scans. Another bone density scan and another CAT scan. Both will be done a week before my next appointment in June. We’ll go from there.

The medical oncologist works out of the same hospital. Plus, when I had my colectomy in ’21 he treated me first. But when the polyp inside my colon was deemed noncancerous, he was no longer needed. I’ll start seeing him again next week.

Superstitions or Synchronicities?

Actually, I’ve no superstitions to speak of. What’s happened seems more like synchronicities. I ran across a black cat holding a cactus today. I kid you not. To its owner, I once said I was good, didn’t I? Mine was already in the works before yours was up though. 😂🐈‍⬛🌵

And changing a doctor back to an earlier place and time is more proof things come full circle. That’s not superstitious either. Just The Universe leading us back to a better place. Something we all need.

Or am I a little superstitious? There’s a story behind these elevators. I could easily go out of my way to avoid them every time I visit this hospital, but I don’t. Love was formed here, in part because of them, and I’ve refused to change that story. Part of me worries that if I start avoiding them, I might lose the quiet reminder of what real love means.

Some stories are simply meant to stay the same.

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