Oh, and Michael too

I’m twenty-four hours away from my return visit to my medical oncologist. And for once, I actually feel good about it. No anxiety. No worry. Maybe even a little too at ease.

The pressure has eased, knowing he’s in my corner. But I’ve learned to live by one rule, always beware. Because with cancer, nothing is ever routine.

Maybe I let that word routine stay in my vocabulary longer than it should have.

If you’re new here, it’s something a one-time friend said while adding me to a group chat—right in the middle of me getting a body mold done for radiation therapy. She knew I was at the hospital.

For some reason, nearly three years later, it still irks me that she called any of it “routine.”

Maya

Tonight I’ll have some fun. A while back I was given two passes to MJR Theatres for an early screening of Michael. A biopic of the legendary singer, songwriter that explores his journey from The Jackson 5 to his early solo days.

Maya will be accompanying me tonight. Don’t fret, I’ll be adding a photo of us before this blog is over. But I’ll be saddened when she returns home to Boston at the end of the week. I have an open invitation from her, and plan to use it because I like her a lot. And do love Boston.

And just to be clear, because it matters to me to say this, my interest in the movie is in the artistry. Nothing more. Nothing Less.

The impact his talent had and continues to have across generations is magical. That’s what I respect and what I’m showing up for.

Michael

Although we had a good time and the acting, stage presence, dancing, and singing were all solid neither Maya nor I was overly ‘Thriller‘-ed. The making of that particular song in the movie was my favorite part of the film.

Note, Michael opens in theaters Friday, April 24th.

But honestly, wait till it comes out on streaming and save your money for The Mandalorian and Grogu on May 22nd.

Medication and What’s Next

Thursday, April, 23, 8 AM

Finished the first month’s supply of Xtandi last night before bed. It’s a testosterone suppressant. Along with the Lupron injections every three months that began last November, erections have become a thing of the past.

So far, I’ve have battled all these side effects associated with the Xtandi. Even a few bouts of ‘brain fog.’

• tiredness or weakness
• muscle pain, back pain, or joint pain
• hot flashes
• constipation
• diarrhea
• decreased appetite

I imagine today’s appointment will focus on additional lab work to see how much the drug has helped drop my PSA level’s.

More internal tests begin again in June with my radiation oncologist as he’s scheduled a PET and bone scan in back-to-back days. They’ll be done a week before his appointment along with some blood work.

While in May I’m scheduled to have my third Lupron injection with the same doctor I’m seeing today.

Not Used to This

Maya wanted to come but I asked her not to. I explained I have difficulties letting others in close. outside of my writing, to doctors’ appointments. She understood and is behind my decision.

Caroline, my meditation coach, texted yesterday. Swear the universe has us connected. She was just checking up on me. She’s happy for my newfound relationship and the trips I continue to attend with the seniors. All the while probing my mental state over this cancer. Remember, she’s a former psychiatrist too.

What was once a numb, indifferent feeling to it all, these last few weeks I’ve learned to live again. And I realized something from our chat when Caroline said, “That’s lovely that you are dating.” I thought a second before replying, ‘OMG. I am dating, aren’t I?‘

Telling Maya, the story of Caroline’s texts she started to laugh. And I suppose I looked puzzled for a moment before she added, “Oh, we’re past ‘just hanging out’—don’t get it twisted.” Ok then.

Why I Include My Personal Life

Because both heart disease and cancer are real. So real they can take your life at any moment. Nothing can get realer than that. I do this so those that are suffering similar fates can learn to appreciate life.

Knowing you can enjoy life, lead it fully and not give a damn about stereotypes is your superpower. People expect the ‘woe is me’ version of us. I say go for it. Life is too short as it is to be held back.

On My Way

On the drive in, ‘Human Nature’ played. Soft, familiar, reminding me to just let things be what they are.

The Visit

It felt different today. The only way to describe it is a breath of fresh air. My weight held steady from last month which matters, because with a bad heart, that’s the last thing I need fluctuating.

We went over lab results from my previous visit. He doesn’t post them to the hospital chart, which is frustrating, but I can live with it. My PSA dropped from 0.08 to 0.07 since the last injection in February. Back in November, it was above 9.

These labs were from before starting Xtandi. For those results, I’ll have to wait until next month when I go back for my third Lupron injection.

Another appointment was made for June. Birthday month is seriously getting booked. It’s hard to believe it’s only been three years, seems like a lifetime.

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