What I Lost, What I Found, and the People Who Stayed

Sunday 06/28/26 3 PM

A blog I wrote in March 2023, The Queen’s Gambit, suddenly found new life. More than 160 readers revisited a story born out of heartbreak, regret, and friendship loss last week.

Honestly, I think about that piece quite often and how its focus came from the heart and the woman behind it. But life has a way of moving forward. Three years later, I find myself in a very different chapter than the one that inspired those words.

Today’s Daily Prompt

Then came today’s Daily Prompt: (What’s a time you followed your gut, and it turned out to be exactly right?).

When I mentioned the renewed interest of the story to Maya, she said, “Maybe it’s time you write about what happened afterward.”

She was right. Because the man who wrote The Queen’s Gambit in March 2023 is not the same man writing these words today.

Back then, I was hurting in ways my readers couldn’t fully see. I was grieving the loss of a friendship, facing heart procedures, and within months would begin a cancer journey that would change my life forever.

What followed wasn’t easy. But perhaps the recent return of readers to that story is the perfect opportunity not to revisit what I lost, but to reflect on what I gained and what it took to get here.

Tomorrow’s Appointment

I have an appointment with another medical oncologist tomorrow for a consultation. I’m being sent there by his counterpart to see if Brachytherapy is in order. It’s a procedure where radioactive pellets are inserted into me near the cancer site.

I’m not overly fond of the idea, but if brachytherapy offers the best chance of stopping the disease, then it’s a path worth exploring.

Back to Healing

What was it like healing for three years after the loss, procedures, tests and surgeries? It was brutal! It was a real-life version of having Lucy pull the football away as I began my kick. My head felt as if the grass was concrete. Then add a five-hundred-pound weight to me so I couldn’t get up. Every day was a struggle.

At the time, I believed ‘The Queen’ was the only one who could lift that weight. When she didn’t, I remained on the ground far longer than I should have. What I eventually learned is that healing doesn’t arrive from the person we lost. It comes from within and from those who choose to walk beside us.

Prompt’s Answer

Early in 2024, I noticed someone following me on Instagram. A hypnotherapist named Agnieszka Rdesinska. I reached out and asked her for a Meet Me interview, which eventually led to therapy sessions and a collaboration on several articles that benefited us both. Since then, we’ve become really good friends.

Agnes, as she prefers to be called, has taught me some invaluable lessons. Perhaps the most important is that my feelings were real. Back in March 2023, I was hurting deeply. I was overthinking, reading between the lines, and carrying far more responsibility for the end of a friendship than I should have.

She helped me understand that I’m not responsible for another person’s choices. We cannot make people stay, nor can we love someone into remaining in our lives. We can only be honest, apologize when necessary, and respect the decisions others make.

She also taught me that closure doesn’t always come from another person. Sometimes there is no final conversation, no explanation, and no goodbye. For a long time, I believed closure was something another person had to give me.

I know differently now.

Following my gut and reaching out to Agnes turned out to be exactly right.

Closure came through therapy, writing, reflection, and learning to extend the same compassion to myself that I so freely give to others. In the end, healing wasn’t about getting the friendship back. It was about finding peace within myself and continuing to move forward, even without the answers I desperately sought.

My Fear

Fear and I have become old acquaintances over the past few years.

As the appointment approaches, I found myself reaching out to my dear friend, Tara Edwards. Tara is a former television news anchor who, much like me, eventually walked away from that life and into a new chapter. Along the way, we’ve discovered that we share many things in common.

I told her something that surprised even me, I needed her. But not in the way one might expect. I didn’t need advice or reassurance; I needed to know she was there.

I asked for something unusual: not a store-bought “You’ve Got This” card, but a hand-drawn one from her and her daughter.

She said yes.

She also replied, “Rick, you’ve got this.”

Maybe that’s what healing has taught me. Sometimes we don’t need someone to fix our fears. We just need to know we’re not facing them alone.

I simply needed to know my best friend was there with me in spirits. Because I am tired.

Monday 06/29/26 6 AM

Was up before the alarm went off. Not because I wanted to, it’s the pills forcing me to use the bathroom. Fortunately, it happened just twice last night.

It’s appointment day with another oncologist. I try not to let the ‘When will it end’ question sink in. But it does get tiring.

If you’re battling your own problems, just hang in there. I can’t promise a good outcome, but I can promise you this: others have walked this ground before you, and you don’t have to walk it alone.

What I’ve Gained

What have I gained? A new moral fiber with a renewed thrust of humanity.

Over the past three years, I’ve come to understand that friendships are less about convenience and more about constancy. The people who matter most are the ones who remain when life becomes difficult. They don’t always have the answers. They don’t always know what to say. But they show up. In a world increasingly driven by algorithms and fleeting connections, I have learned that genuine friendship remains one of life’s greatest treasures.

As I get prepared for the day’s journey I thought I’d leave you with my first saved YouTube video. I hadn’t strolled this far back in eons, enjoy.

It’s nice to have you here with me. What’s your first save YouTube?

Today’s Appointment 2 PM

I’m mad and relieved. But mostly I’m shocked for more reasons than one.

This morning, I met with a new radiation oncologist to discuss whether brachytherapy should become the next chapter in my journey. I walked into the appointment expecting more treatment, more procedures, and more uncertainty.

Instead, I left with something I hadn’t expected. Questions and more uncertainties.

After reviewing my history, the doctor wasn’t convinced that active cancer still remains. He pointed out that my second biopsy was performed before the two-year mark following radiation treatment. A period during which the prostate can still be undergoing significant changes from the original therapy. Add in the fact that my CT and bone scans have been negative and that imaging later showed activity on the opposite side of the prostate from where cancer had previously been found, and the picture becomes far less clear.

His recommendation surprised me. Rather than moving forward with brachytherapy, he suggested stopping both Trelstar and Xtandi after my next scheduled treatment in August and then simply watching. Every few months, my PSA and testosterone levels will continue to be monitored. If my PSA remains stable, additional treatment may not be necessary. In fact, he suggested that any decision about future treatment could be months away, perhaps even as far off as next summer.

After years of injections, pills, scans, and side effects, hearing “let’s wait and see” was both comforting and frustrating. Comforting because there is now a possibility that the original radiation may have done its job. Frustrating because it raises questions about the road that brought me here.

Cancer has taught me many things. One of them is that medicine is not always black and white. Yet today, I find myself wrestling with difficult questions about that road and whether some of it could have been avoided.

Endgame

Three years ago, I wrote The Queen’s Gambit hoping for a different ending. Life had other plans.

Looking back now, I realize that endings are rarely the end of the story. Sometimes they become the beginning of another chapter.

I still don’t have all the answers. Today’s appointment proved that. There are still questions about my health, uncertainty about the road ahead, and fears that occasionally keep me awake at night.

But there is also peace. The recent return of readers to The Queen’s Gambit reminded me of where I once stood. Writing this piece reminded me of how far I’ve traveled since.

Perhaps that’s enough.

I no longer measure my life by who left. I measure it by those who stayed, those who arrived unexpectedly, and those who continue to walk beside me as the story unfolds.

And look who showed up! In town for the day to help her parents with some personal business.

And for this, I am grateful. Even if for only an hour.

Real Talk

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