Be Not so Fearful
Thursday 7 AM
Twenty-seven hours before first treatment is where I begin. Turned the news on after I woke and there is a commercial break. The commercial showing is on ‘children’s cancer’ and they’re seeking donations. A good cause to donate and a fitting moment for it to air. I’m no therapist and wouldn’t know what to say to a parent with a child that has cancer. All I know is that they’ve got to be hurting emotionally beyond belief and if a donation to a cancer foundation is the best we can do for them, please do. Thoughts and prayers are fine, but in the end, they don’t pay the bills for research or other essentials these agencies help with.
As for me tomorrow is getting closer. I went to downtown Detroit yesterday to get out. Was going to try and skate on the ice rink at ‘Campus Martius’ but didn’t. The rink has been set up in the winter for years, but this was my first trip visiting it and the city’s ‘Christmas Tree.’ I didn’t know what to expect, but TV makes it look much bigger. Still a sight to see.
Like I said, I changed my mind on skating and just sat and watched the few that were on the ice. The little girl in my video below is amazing. I’d guess, maybe three years old by appearance up close. Hope you enjoy it. I know I did!
Friday 7 AM
Talk about emotions, they ran wild last night. Not even sure where to begin. I did toss and turn all night without much sleep thinking about anything and everything.
Owe thanks to a friend for a message of support last night. You’re always there and I couldn’t be more grateful to have you behind me! The unknow is what eats at me as I keep telling myself once I get this first treatment out of the way, I’ll be OK. At least then, I will know what to expect next time through.
To another friend, it was those very feelings of the unknow why I shunned you. I’m sorry. One thing I’m learning is that I need to open up more about those feelings. It’s hard. I’m not use to the attention. And damned if this blog about my cancer isn’t drawing it. When I decided to write about the journey it was for ‘my healing.’ However, I hid behind them while trying to help others that are, or will be, facing the same uncertainties as my motives. I see that now and have to be more aware that people love me and want in, so I must learn to open that door.
Lastly, to another, that energy you say, I have, that brightens their (my readers) day, is hard to keep up. Yes, laughter is the best medicine but often I wonder for who because I use it to hide and find very little for myself. Inside me there are still tears of a frightened child afraid to move forward because he’s missing a part of him. I’m glad you enjoyed ‘Land of Laverne and Shirley.’ It was definitely a fun piece to write and very tactfully done, I must say, without mentioning that guy in the end photo’s name.
It wasn’t Starbucks first today. Arrived with the ‘good stuff,’ Tim Hortons. But I still had to go by them on my way to the ‘right elevator.’ The thoughts of her were still there as a photo popped up in my archives this morning. It brought a smile to my face and I’m comfortable with them now. This is good.
Remembering I was going to introduce myself to the woman at the sign in desk, after chatting with her on all my previous visits for appointments and tests, I did just that. Thinking at the end of the journey, I’ll ask everyone for a group photo for that last blog.
Like I said in a previous blog, she’s the first person you see after exiting the elevators and in that little room is where she sits. Her name is Angela.
After swiping my ‘VIP I’ve Got Cancer Card’ I headed to Room A to change into a not one but two gowns, facing the opposite direction, with the last on like a coat.
When I snapped this ‘selfie,’ I thought about my cousin’s husband, Bill. I’m not over fashionable, but he kids me about using an iron. I recall my first trip to Boston in ’21 and taking a picture of the iron in my room at the Hilton and tagging him in a post with it. I never used it; I had packed a steamer.
After changing, I left for another room, this one adjacent to the radiation room itself. A few minutes later I was lying flat in my own body molded form so I wouldn’t move during the treatment itself.
Sometimes, I wish I didn’t overthink things but after lying in this radiation beaming device for about 25 minutes, I got to thinking about this song (Be Not So Fearful) sung by AC Newman which first aired on ‘The Walking Dead’ during the shows 2014 season. It’s the lyrics, included, and I believe after listening you’ll understand why it popped to mind and why I’ve added it.
Although it predates Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s role as Negan by several years, I’ve included him here because in the event of an apocalypse, I believe I’d be more like him than any other character. The world would need leaders, Rick’s group was too passive and would never accept a loss as a gain for the masses. There’s your sidenote.
I’ve never heard anyone speak of radiation treatment, so I had no idea, other than what you see on the web. And you still can’t believe half of that.
So, from the horse’s mouth, let me tell you this. There is NO pain, NO stinging, NO burning, NO nothing after the first of five treatments. Now the truth is out there!
I have learned, ‘BE NOT SO FEARFUL.’
Writers Note:
I want to give a special shoutout to Jen for caring enough to be the first to check in on me after treatment today. Please give her a follow, she’s the best blogger on social media. Thank You, Jen!
Jen’s links:
Jennifer 🪩 Real Mom of SFV (@realmomofsfv) • Instagram
Jennifer ~ Real Mom of SFV 💕✌️ (@RealMomOfSFV) / X
realmomofsfv (@realmomofsfv) | TikTok
You can find my sites at Linktree and if you enjoy my writings, please consider hitting that cup of coffee and making a donation. Thank you!
Deja un comentario