Wednesday, October 22. 7 AM

Going to the clinic for lab work today. They’ll be drawing blood for PSA levels. Don’t know how many times over the past two plus years it’s been done. But I woke up thinking ‘damn not again‘.

It’s not like the needle hurts; I’m just fed up with it all. Yet it has to be done before next week’s oncology appointment.

I’ve been pissed as hell because I couldn’t get an earlier urology or oncology appointment. This month long wait, since cancer’s confirmation, has ate at my mind. Knowing you have cancer is difficult. Not being able to see the right doctors early makes it even harder. This is one of the reasons why ‘cancer sucks‘. All you can do is hope the disease hasn’t grown too much in the interim.

It’s a damn mind game you can’t win. You know it too, but you can’t help thinking about it. There’s no strength in it either. You just do it. Or you don’t.

Upcoming Plans

There’s not a lot’s going on that I haven’t written about in previous articles. I was invited to The Henry Ford Museum next month to hear Rebecca Nagle speak. She’ll be addressing ‘Indigenous Erasure in the Media.’

Nagle, an award-winning journalist is also a member of the Cherokee Nation.

I’m, also, planning to see DaVinci: The Exhibition at the museum as well. Most likely next week, too.

DaVinci was much more than an artist. He was an engineer and scientist. I’m looking forward to seeing what will be on display.

Lab Work

I’m back from having my lab work done. One poke by the cutest vampire I’ve encountered yet is all it took. However, she was too bashful for a shot but did take mine.

Speaking of vampires, who’s your favorite? I’ve always been partial Aaliyah. She stared in ‘Queen of the Damned‘ as Akasha.

I’m waiting now for the PSA numbers to come in. I’m suspecting they’ll be higher than the last. They were 6+ a couple months ago. It’s only logical, as the cancer is back, they’d elevate. Just hoping they haven’t soared.

Test Results

Results just came in and I’m not surprised. They’re up. I was expecting it. There is a bright side, they’re not quite as high as they were before my first radiation treatment in ’23.

But they’re still high. Twice as high as the normal high-end range. I’m numb again. I’ll leave you with a song from Rihanna. More whenever.

Thursday, 8 AM

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well last night. Thoughts of the first treatment ran through my mind. Like what the fuck went wrong? Was their targeting off when they did the radiation? Why didn’t they put me on hormonal therapy afterwards too? Both legitimate concerns.

Then my oncologist’s words from my last visit hit and made me angrier. He said something to the nature, ‘you’re only the second not to have succeeded from this treatment since our program started.’ What the hell kind of statement is that? Now I’m wondering if I’m only the second patient he’s had. Don’t that make me feel special.

To add to the horrible night, I also flashed back to my urologist’s statement of performing a Prostatectomy. That’s the surgical removal of part or all of the prostate. I shut him down immediately by telling him I wasn’t done fighting yet. And to get the damn thought of cutting me up off the table.

I can’t continue this in my current mood, so I’ll end here. However, will add that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and if you haven’t already had your annual Mammogram, schedule it now. Early detection is essential. My cancer was caught early and look at me. That should be reason enough to do it as soon as possible.

‘Got Love‘, show it. Life is too fucking short not to.

PS: I’ve decided to start decorating my Christmas Tree this weekend. Thanks to those that have chosen ornaments this year. For the past three years this silly event has made me happy while thoughts of cancer have haunted me. Hopefully it’ll help again this year. There’s still time to either send me an ornament or it’s link.

Look forward to a few ornaments going up weekly and their video being shared on Instagram. And a special thanks to Caroline, Agnes and Loren for ‘loving me anyways‘ and never giving up on our friendship. I know I can be a handful.

This fight isn’t over yet. It’s just begun.

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