Cancer Chronicles
November 10, 2023
The Beginning of the End:
While I waited in the Starbucks line, before yesterday’s cancer treatment simulation appointment, the first ping from my cell emerged. I didn’t think much of it as I replied and included my current location to my friend, who I’d been helping organize the educational day portion of the Chattanooga Fashion Expo.
Less than an hour into the appointment, another text followed.
A couple hours later, after being placed in a three-way text with another person that’s helping in the project, a combined fifteen additional texts and pings popped up. All the while, I’m on my back with a mold being cast so my body won’t shift when the radiation is being emitted towards the disease during the treatment itself.
My mind immediately went into gear as I began thinking ‘if my having cancer and being in the early and middle stages of an extremely important appointment isn’t concern enough to you as to NOT text nor involve me in a group text with fifteen communications, then neither is this to me.’
After sleeping on it, those very words became part of my response.
The Beginning:
I went to Starbucks, soon as I entered the hospital, then for a few minutes of solitude to the picnic area. I enjoy this spot; I have come here just to clear my head and think things out on many occasions during my various appointments and procedures. It’s peaceful. I spent, perhaps, twenty minutes before heading back in the hospital thinking how this cancer fight is going to be fought and how fortunate I am to be living in an age where the odds are greater of its success, than that of the disease.
Wrong Elevator:
My mind shifted back to the first text. It brought back the memories of Casey and led me in the direction of the area where I was recovering from a colectomy, two years prior, when she called my room. I have fought hard recovering from that friendship split during the past eight months but here they were, once more. leading me to the wrong damn elevator. Yes, the two elevators go to the same place, up and down. Yet leave you in a different area of the hospital and I was heading to the one with her memories and not to my present.
I can’t do this to myself, I remember thinking as I crossed the hospital to the right area after immerging from its doors. I worked way too hard to slip back to that painful loss that came as close to destroying me mentally, as anything ever could.
Signing In:
Although I won’t need to stop and talk to her any longer, nor sign, I will go out of my way to make pleasantries regardless. She’s a nice older woman, grandmother type. Caring, compassionate just like all the employees in the cancer section. She’s, also, the first person you meet upon exiting the ‘right elevator.’ She knows my name and quickly logged me in before requesting my signature and handing me a card with my name and a barcode on it.
She explains from now on, I’ll just scan the card upon arrival and go to an assigned area that ‘Becca’ will show me during today’s simulation. I tell her thank you and within five minutes I’m led to a room with an examination bed, two chairs, a computer and video player.
Becca:
Becca is cool. She is straight forward yet having a kind nature about her. Tells you like it is. She’s the clinical nurse in radiation oncology. I take her serious, listen to her words and have called her when I have questions, as she suggests doing. Becca walks in the room.
We begin with an overview of what was going to take place on this visit. Followed by a tour and back to the room for a movie on radiation treatment and its possible side effects. While watching, there’s a ping. I lift my cell and in dismay of its sender, shake my head and repocket it without reading its text.
I finished the movie and moments later Becca came back, and we discuss everything I had just watched. Then she led me to the first lobby I’ll head to once treatment begins which includes a dressing room. There I changed and was led to a CT room for the fitting of a body mold, a new CT and tattooing.
Body Mold:
This began quite interesting when requested to lay down on the CT bed while placing my head in a shaped pre mold. Hospital gown was drawn down over my waist, so I wasn’t exposed, and knees were lifted to fit a low propped height. I lay there while I watch a nurse/technician mix two chemicals together while two other techs place a sealed plastic bib like bag over and through my head. They explain that they’ll attach a vacuum like suction to it so when the mold liquid is poured in, they can suck it tightly by removing the air.
I was warned that the liquid, before it forms, will turn hot. They poured the ligiid in and I could, almost instantly feel it warming. Continually pushing the molding liquid to fit my body tighter for a better fit.
Fifteen pings later, I was under the CT with it taking images of my pelvic area and enjoying the hot liquid forming tightly upon on body. For the first time in a real long time, my back felt great from the heat. Not having pain there is a treat and even today, maybe 27-28 hours later, it still feels good!
I thought of Will Smith as Captain Hiller in the movie ‘Independence Day’ telling Jeff Goldblum as David Levinson “I have got to get me one of these’ as he was flying the alien craft into Earth’s orbit. I need that heat!
Once the CT was complete, they did some measurements of the area and gave me two tattoos. One on each side of my pelvis which is where the radiation will be focused on.
The staff helped me up off the table after my leg molds were removed and sent me back to the dressing room and I was free to go.
I’ll be notified in a week or so when treatment starts and can’t wait to move forward with it!
The End and Start of Something New:
On the ride home, I told my day’s journey and feelings to my cousin’s husband who had picked me up. We spoke of the good, the bad and how sometimes you’ve got to be a dick to some people. It was during this conversation I pretty much had decided not to attend the Chattanooga Fashion Expo because of the day’s events, while being so disrespected of my medical plight.
Not for any hateful, grandiose or revengeful motive but for my own ‘Peace of Mind.’ ‘My sanity.’ ‘My Joy.’ and most importantly ‘My Life.’ I’ve learned from the best, that it’s “NO”vember and must look out for me as no one else will.
I wish the creator of the expo great success during the event and continued friendship. But offer her this on what I’ve learned over the year.
Ask, “How can we fix this” rather than apologize or shift blame. Apologizes aren’t always needed and shifting blame is nothing short of narcissism. Fixing things is adulting and shows empathy too!
Healing Journey
health
I Am Me
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