Cancer Chronicles

October 10, 2023

Starting this at 7:30 am with Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Z appointment scheduled for 1:15 this afternoon.

Someone close to me just asked how I’m feeling, and I replied. “Indifferent. They’re going to do what they’re going to do and there’s nothing I can do about it. Guess it’s like being on a surfboard on top of the wave, not scared but in reality, waiting for the shore. Make sense?”

Truth be told, I’ve never surfed so have no idea what I’m talking about. 

My friend replied, “I understand, guess you’re tired of all the procedures you went through and need to go through still. Maybe last February wasn’t easy but today is different, just always be positive. You will be okay and I’m here. You never have to carry it all by yourself.”

 ‘True Empathy.’ Thank you, LR! And it works for two-word sentence of the day. 

I’ve certainly found out who’s there for me, the hard way, by getting cancer. Sadly, only a hand full of you. Time to take social media for what it’s worth and that isn’t much, except an ego boost. People come and go with no thought of other’s feelings nor empathy for their plight.

Below is a message I came across last night while occupying my mind as to not ‘overthink’ this nightmare. 

Seriously? I just seen today (October 10, 2023) is ‘National Face Your Fears Day.’  Talk about encouragement. But there’s no fears here, I’m immune to them. I’m just tired. It’s been a long year of hardships mixed with just a few joys that have still made time drag on.  

Speaking of the joy, last couple days I’ve heard from two dear friends that have had to go awol from social to face their own issues, Timing couldn’t have been better, and it was so good hearing from them both.

One I’ve known since kindergarten and falls into the ‘friend I’ve known longest in my life’ category. The other has been fantastic over the last five years and has been there for every medical procedure/surgery I’ve had during that time. Thank you, LKD and NP, for your devoted friendship. 

Even received a ‘smiling care package’ from NP, yesterday. If you’re wondering, it’s a box of trial size Sensodyne Toothpaste. Thank you again, my friend. 

Yes, I did the coffee routine today soon as I entered the hospital. Small, black no cream or sugar. Maybe someday Tim Horton’s will get a brainstorm and put one in there. Starbucks is just too strong. But I still drink it.

As you can tell I made it for my appointment by the sign above. And headed to the ‘basement’ of the hospital once more.

Within five minutes of signing in, I was off to a patient’s room and shortly thereafter, Dr Z came in. ‘Doogie,’ as I like to refer him to, has been a hell of a good doctor. I suppose I could’ve been further along than I am, but until you face cancer, and I hope you never do, there are too many underlying things to take into account. It’s not just saying I have it, get rid of it. There are side effects to every scenario imaginable and the possibility of ‘IT’ not functioning right sexually, afterwards, is one of them. Not to mention the heart disease I have and my dire need not to add weight gain by taking hormone pills to put added stress into the equation. That’s why I opted for the PET Scan, when offered last visit to make sure my final decision was the right one. And fortunately for me, that decision was the proper one.

The PET cleared up any questions that Dr Z and the others counseled in them had. My decision early on would be the right course of action. Five double doses of radiation therapy will, hopefully, suffice. Thus, adding a five percent greater probability of its non-recurrence. I can ‘live’ not only life wise but figuratively as well. I informed him my decision would stand, and he was in agreement.

 Next up, is a trip to the main campus of the hospital where ‘markers’ Fiducial Markers: Pros, Cons and What to Expect (cancercenter.com) will be inserted, that appointment will take a week or two to make. Followed by a return trip to the hospital I’m being seen at for some sort of trial run where they will detect where the ‘markers’ are and cast a mold External Beam Radiation Therapy (EBRT) For Cancer (cancercenter.com) for the radiation to go through. 

Treatment will begin approximately two weeks afterward and will be every other day, for five sessions. 

I got off lucky here, but by no means am I out of the woods, as many others suffer worse fates. Mine is no guarantee as nothing is in life, except taxes and death. I’ll be more than happy to pay the prior as opposed to its alternative. With that said, if you’ve read this far, please scroll back up to ‘Power of Empathy’ and re-read that insert. 

Don’t let a grudge or feud get in the way of something as priceless as a kind gesture, especially when all it takes is a call, text or message. They’ll understand and be all the more grateful. I’m not going to die of this disease, I’ve said it all along, but someone will so don’t wait to bring them flowers after they’re gone, do it now. Give someone ‘A Little Good News Today.’

Why Not Smile

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