I knew what was inside would begin a new chapter in my cancer fight as soon as I saw it on my porch. I had just arrived home from the movies today when I spied the box ordered by my medical oncologist.

Inside was my first month’s prescription of a new medication, Xtandi (enzalutamide). It’s my next step in treatment. And like most things in this journey, it comes with both purpose and concerns.

Because I’m not just dealing with cancer. I’m managing it alongside heart disease.

Understanding the Treatment

Xtandi is designed to slow the progression of prostate cancer.

It works by blocking testosterone from fueling cancer cells. Even when testosterone levels are already reduced, cancer can still find ways to use what remains. Xtandi interferes with that process, helping to limit growth and spread.

But it doesn’t work alone. As many of you know, I’m on Lupron as well. That’s injected every three months.

Lupron is a form of hormone therapy that reduces the body’s production of testosterone. Essentially lowering the supply, the cancer depends on.

Now the approach is layered:

• Lupron reduces the source
• Xtandi blocks what’s left from being used

It’s not about one solution. it’s about controlling the environment the cancer needs to survive.

What Comes with It

No treatment exists without trade-offs.

With Xtandi and Lupron, those can include:

• Ongoing fatigue
• Hot flashes
• Muscle and joint discomfort
• Decreased strength
• Changes in mood or focus
• Bone density loss over time
• Shifts in blood pressure and cardiovascular strain

For someone already living with heart disease, like I am, those last points aren’t minor details. They’re part of every medical decision my doctor and I have to consider beforehand. After all, what good does it do to save me from cancer if the drugs I’m taking will cause my heart to fail?

Nothing is taken at face value. Everything is weighed not just for effectiveness, but for what the body can sustain.

What It Makes Possible

The goal isn’t to cure it, it’s to control it.

This combination of treatments is meant to:

• Slow progression
• Extend stability
• Delay more aggressive interventions
• Preserve day-to-day function as much as possible

That last part carries more weight than it might sound. Because ‘quality of life‘ isn’t just a phrase.

And I want to live.

Redefining Normal

Normal isn’t the same anymore.

It’s more measured especially dealing with sexual activities.

Sexual desires and the ability to please a woman still exists. But as far as an erection is concerned, they’re history for the time being. However, if ever taken off the drugs they will return.

It’s also about getting through the day with energy. As some days, I’m just run down. Tired of everything especially putting up with the diseases. It’s not a fight. I have no choice. And neither let me forget it.

Happily, I still focus long enough to write, to think and connect with others. However, sitting across from someone and being present in the moment has been difficult since originally being diagnosed. My mind often wonders. Please don’t ever think I’m ignoring you.

But seriously, the hardest redefinition of normal has been having stretches of time where neither condition defines the day. Seems one of the two are always on my mind.

Hail Mary

You’re wondering what movie I went and saw? It was Project Hail Mary, staring Ryan Gosling as Ryland Grace. It’s about a teacher sent to space in an attempt to save mankind from an alien substance that’s destroying the Sun.

But he didn’t go voluntarily and relives those memories light years from Earth.

Finding the other two crew members dead after he awakes, he’s left alone to save the planet. But bumps into Rocky from another planet whose there to save his own planet.

A meaningful friendship is formed and missions are accomplished.

For you Tara, my Bestie, this is where you came in.

It’s really a fun movie, a bit lengthy at two and a half hours. But you’ll absorb even minute of it. Gosling does a fine job playing Grace. A fitting name for his character. The graphics are outstanding too. And the soundtrack is right on. A definite must see.

What This Really Is

Is this really my ‘Finding Grace‘ and ‘Hail Mary’ moment in this cancer battle before something more invasive comes up? I’m not sure and won’t know more until after June’s tests are completed.

At least for now, it’s not as dramatic as me screaming out for help or trying finding someone to talk to.

It’s about managing treatment with tolerance. Progress without breaking in-between. It’s hope without expectations.

Reminding myself to tell those that I care about that I do is what it’s about for me. And finding my own grace to live each day to the fullest.

It’s not offering directions but telling my story, my way. For you to decide to believe in yourself and your decisions during life’s critical moments. While learning compassion and empathy for those suffering to others.

Finally, it’s knowing I’ve left something good behind once I’ve left this world. That’s the best anyone can do in life.

Love Me Anyways

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