All of Me, Loves All of You

June 28, 2023

     So much is true about being subjected to a narcissist and the heightened senses you gain during its recovery which plays into each relationship you have. You see things differently. Clearer. Less objectively. You see people for who they are. The good, the bad and least I forget my favorite the indifferent. That’s been me, but I’ve been addressing my flaws and trying to create a better self. I want to enjoy life. Enjoy friends. Have fun.

     For the most part I’ve been trying to focus on the positive and I do see a lot of it. Yet it amazes me how few I’ve cheered up throughout the years have reciprocated with not even a hello, during the early stages of my battle. Really, it’s not self-pity or a grandiose personality I hold. Just observations. They have their reasons, the same as I when I reached out to them in their time of need. 

     I’ve always known life is short, but with cancer you begin to question exactly how short it can be. I know the odds of my recovery are greater than most, but you don’t stop thinking about it. Subconsciously I think about it with every conversation. With every post I read from a follower and non-liked comment, you’d think would’ve been liked. And even to the posts you’re not sure that are addressed directly to you because that person is fighting their own demons. Below is such a post.

     Glimmer. Yes, there’s more than a glimmer of hope for me. But I see glimmers everywhere now. The triggers are gone. No more anxieties. What’s going to happen will happen. Pre-destiny it’s called, according to a preacher I know and that I’ve long since departed ways with. He got too political in his church and there’s nothing I detest worse. If you’re wondering, this is why I don’t do church.

     I do feel the hope and life has become sweeter even amid the uncertainties of the treatment, I will eventually embark on. It will be tough, that I know. But if you know me, you know I won’t give up.

     Many thanks are due, please if I miss you, I will rectify it in future blogs. 

     Firstly, thanks to the hundreds on TikTok that have sent me well wishes. I don’t know many of you, but I see you and wanted you to know.

     May each of you; Diane P., Diane H., Lisa, Remy, Lourdes, Rachel, Shanna, Ralph and Jennifer enjoy my forever gratitude., Thank You!

     To Linda H, Sou, Tara, Jennifer Miyagishima, Kristyn, Shiny, Jane, Lilet and Raina thank each and every one of you for the things you do! You have each given me something more special in your own way, but all boils down to ‘Happiness.’ Such a gift is priceless and I’m honored to accept.

     I’ve just one thing to say in closing

     I’VE GOT THIS

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