PSA and Testosterone Levels

Monday, 06/08/26, Noon

Yes, I’m a Lucky 13 and a Gemini Even still, there’s a long week ahead so I’m starting now.

Spent the better part of two days talking to pharmacies and insurance companies over my Xtandi script. Seems as of June 1st, I’m no longer on Blue Cross as Medicare put me on one of their plans, WellCare.

The old pharmacy in Ohio is not one of their providers. Just playing a waiting game now.

The prescription suppresses testosterone levels much like the Trelstar lowers my PSA. In combination they hope to keep both low enough to avoid surgery. It does come with certain drawbacks like no erections. Just call it what it is, chemical castration.

But like I’ve said before, love to me at this point isn’t about sex. It’s connection. And I’m so glad Maya is in my life now and fully understands.

The Week Ahead

Been on the run a lot lately but for today and tomorrow I plan on chilling.

Thursday it’s off to a Bone Scan and more lab work and then on Friday it’s a CT scan. Let me be blunt. This shit sucks. I’m tired of it. My entire month is tied in knots and that’s no way to spend what once was known as my Birthday Month.

No Travel Plans

It’s been hard to save through all the illnesses but somehow, I managed to travel a bit. Not this month. Too many appointments and after the test and scans I have three scheduled doctor appointments as well. One each with both oncologists and primary.

It’s been a few months since I saw my primary she’ll be the highlight of all the craziness. Maybe I’ll take some ice cream and cake in for her staff. That appointment is coming up next week.

Do You Believe in Dreams

Had one of those dreams last might about Casey and woke at 2:30 AM. Yup Agnes was up too…I really should stop messaging her at that hour, she needs her rest too, especially now that she’s pregnant. But it’s not too bad because she’s in the Netherlands. Six-hours a-head. Yet, I still feel bad.

If you’re new here, she’s the therapist I’ve been working with that has since become a dear friend. Congrats again to her and Robert and their soon-to-be parental status as she’s due in September.

I won’t get into the dream, but when I noticed Agnes was writing me on Instagram when I check in, I sent her the details and said, “Seriously starting to believe in some of the universe is tied to one another stuff. What else could it be?”

She replied, “That’s something entirely in your hands.” But added, “You guys (Maya and I) deserve love and happiness. It sounds like she’s a wonderful woman and you’re lucky to have found her. A perfect match.”

“She’ll heal that bad memory for you. By replacing it with a sweet one,” she concluded about my constant dreams of that someone from my past.

Birthday

Lucky 13…Maya and I do have some plans thanks to Jan and the two passes she gave me to Greenfield Village. We’ll use them to tour the Jackson House, which was moved from Selma, Alabama to its new location on the grounds of The Henry Ford Museum.

It’s where Martin Luther King Jr often stayed during the freedom marches of the 60’s. Can’t wait. So, I’m a bit of a history nerd!

Even though it’s my birthday I think I’ll spoil her with some fudge from the gift shop if they have any. Later she wants to go to dinner and maybe dancing.

Tuesday, 06/09/26, 11 AM

On the phone again with the specialty pharmacy as I type this. Does this shit ever end? Still no word on the refill of the Xtandi.

She has me on hold. No Celine Dion in the background today. My heart went on after the weekend calls, see what you did for me Maya? 🥰❤️Instead, it’s guitar and flute music. Guess it’s supposed to calm the nerves. HAHA

Finally, progress. Thank you, Lachey for the help. It’s on its way! Cancer sucks.

Wednesday, 06/10/26, 8 AM

While checking the morning weather, the local news had Tequila Sunrise by the Eagles playing. Funny how a song can stop you in your tracks. I haven’t heard it in a long time. For a few minutes, I found myself thinking about old memories, people who’ve come and gone, and how life has a way of moving forward whether we’re ready or not.

This song is dedicated for all of you that never got to say goodbye to someone you loved.

Almost forgot have to give blood today for radiation oncology this morning. PSA and testosterone. His appointment is next week too. Guess I’ll have to ask Agnes if I should even care what the results are anymore.

I’d get so anxious in the past waiting for the email notification that they were posted to popup in my inbox that I became indifferent to it all. A feeling of ‘who really cares‘ swept over me because the person I wanted to tell the most isn’t around. And even my family quit asking how I’m doing.

Social friends have been far more supportive than them. There I said it and it’s the truth. Family runs away like it’s contagious. There’s a fact you can count on.

PSA Test Results, 9 PM

Personally, I would have rather seen them at zero or below if possible. However, I’ve never asked oncology about that. They were always focusing on .20. So, I guess this is good.

While my PSAs are falling, I’m dealing with a huge side effect of the treatment. Hormone therapy had taken much of my sex drive, and that isn’t easy dealing with, especially with Maya coming into my life at the same time.

After years of heartbreak and health struggles, I am finally opening my heart again, only to find myself wondering how these changes might affect our relationship. There are moments of frustration, but Maya’s patience and understanding have reminded me that intimacy is about more than physical desire.

She has shown me that love, laughter, affection, and emotional connection can remain strong even when your body is going through changes you never expected.

Testosterone Levels, 9:30 PM

Heart fluttered when I saw these results pop up. Not sure why, I’m sure it went down. There’s a huge print that says ABNORMAL. Oddly I remember ‘abby-normal’ is good in these instances.

When I saw that my testosterone had risen slightly from 48 to 55 to 61 ng/dL, I initially wondered if the Trelstar and Xtandi were still doing their job. After all, I expected testosterone to keep dropping, not increase.

What I learned is that once testosterone is suppressed to very low levels, small fluctuations can happen and don’t necessarily mean the treatment isn’t working. Like I mentioned, Trelstar is designed to keep testosterone suppressed, while Xtandi helps block prostate cancer cells from using it.

The most important number in my case may actually be my PSA, which continued to fall to 0.10 ng/mL despite the slight increase in testosterone. While my testosterone remains far below the normal range and continues to explain many of the side effects I’ve experienced, the overall picture suggests the treatment is still doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.

Goodnight

So that’s where things stand tonight. The scans are still ahead of me. The appointments are still on the calendar. The cancer hasn’t stopped demanding time, energy, and attention. But for once, that’s not the whole story.

My PSA is down. The treatment appears to be working. Maya will be here soon. My birthday is a few days away. There may even be some dancing involved.

Thursday, Somewhere in the Night

It felt different today with Maya being here. She arrived ‘Somewhere in the Night‘ or early morning. Depending on your perspective. I won’t get mushy but it’s nice waking up with someone. Especially someone that’s as caring as Maya.

Funny thing is that I had forgotten what it’s like to battle over a single bathroom in the morning. But could definitely get used to this. 🥰🥰

As usual, Starbucks inside is the hospital is where I (I mean we) headed first. 🤗😊 I’ve been in the hospital so many times for procedures and surgeries it’s hard to believe someone was there for me. I’ve never had anyone that’s stayed. They’ve all dropped me off and left like my mother did me as a child.

I felt special for a change and neither one of us gave second though to agreeing to a selfie together for the other. I think Agnes is right, “She’ll heal that bad memory for you. By replacing it with a sweet one.” Hell, she already has.

CT Scan

Once I checked in, we headed down to Nuclear Medicine where the receptionist asked if I want to combine both my scans in a single morning. ‘Ma’am, you don’t have to ask twice. Five AM comes too early to get up two days in a row;’ I told her and jumped at the opportunity.

I was whisked off for about 5 minutes for a CT. In and out and it was over with.

I’ll add the CT results if they come in before I publish.

Bone Scan

Next it was back to the nuclear department where I was injected with what I like to call nuclear waste. Actually, it’s a radioactive tracer that is injected into a vein and spreads throughout the body giving off radiation. Remember Yoda from 2023?

After it’s in your system a couple hours, they can trace it for any bone abnormalities. Such as those infected with cancer.

This portion of the test last about 1/2 hour. Everything is painless except the mental anguish one goes through.

Hours later I had the results which were negative. Traces of more degenerative changes from aging, but that’s expected, were also shown. But no signs of cancer.

Living After the Hurt

A few days ago, I was worrying about insurance approvals, scan appointments, lab results, and all the things cancer steals from your calendar. Tonight, the picture looks a little different.

The bone scan was negative. My PSA continues to fall. The treatment appears to be doing what it’s supposed to do.

There are still doctor appointments ahead and more questions waiting to be answered. Cancer doesn’t suddenly disappear from your life because you get good news. I learned that the first go round.

But something else is there too.

There was laughter with my coffee before the scans. And someone sitting beside me who didn’t drop me off and leave. There are birthday plans, a trip to Greenfield Village, perhaps some dancing, and the possibility of making new memories where painful ones used to live.

For a long time, I thought healing meant forgetting the hurt. What I’m learning instead is that healing is learning how to live beyond it.

Maybe that’s what this week was really about. Until next time, thank you for stopping in.

Rick ❤️

Real Talk

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