Yes, Really

April 2, 2023

     Good morning and Happy Palm Sunday to all. It just maybe a fitting day to post this piece. 

     Firstly, I’d like to say ‘Thank You’ to Ike (@answerthecouplesbyike) on Instagram for allowing me the use his words from a reply to a post I happened to come across. I had planned on a small article. Yet the more I thought, the larger it grew. Perhaps, Ike and I can collaborate further on future articles. From here on in, quotes are taken from that reply to the feed, unless otherwise noted.

     I’m a staunch believer that relationships and friendships can be saved. But the key’s always been communication between the two. What got me here has been exactually the opposite. I’ve tried reaching out, to no avail yet. But I think, that expanding the scope globally could show purer intentions. You know, stick your neck out there and show what you’ve got and don’t just say it. Let the world see and read it. 

     The post Ike replied to read like this “He will make plans to meet you and will not ghost you or leave you without any response. If you are important to him, he will surely let you know and not leave you guessing. He’ll make time, he’ll call you, he’ll text you. You won’t have to ask for effort. No man is too busy for a woman he truly wants.” Seems there’s a lot in there to decipher. 

     Ike’s reply began like this, “Relationships are a two-way street and both partners must put in effort to make it work.” Clearly something the author who posted his/her beliefs hadn’t taken into consideration. It takes two. 

     “It is unfair (may I add impossible) to expect only one person to carry the burden of maintaining a healthy relationship,” he added. In this, too, I whole heartedly agree. You can’t talk to someone who isn’t listening, at least in part, to your feelings and thoughts. (Read my piece ‘The Queen’s Gambit’ on my Blog for more on feelings at www.rickollie.com)

     Society and its beliefs have changed throughout the decades, and I believe we’re all in agreement when he continued “While societal norms have often placed the responsibility of relationship success on men, this outdated idea should be challenged.” All I can add here is imagine talking down to a woman. Enough said. Caveman days have long passed. I wouldn’t dare.

     “Both men and women should communicate their needs and ‘feelings’, actively listen to each other, and make compromises to ensure a fulfilling relationship,” Ike resumed. Notice I highlighted ‘feelings.’ Yes, that’s where my problem lies within. Great friendships, I had forgotten, don’t always turn into relationships. I knew that then and even more so now. It’s easier said than done but you need to find the line when to share those feelings and when not to. Sure, it’s painful keeping bottled up and not saying “I love you,” when you think it’s time, but your friend or that special someone might not be on the same playing field. I use that terminology lightly, as this is no game.

     It took matter of seconds, after I uttered those three words, to realize it was definitely the wrong time to say them. I’d rather have that friend back and be happy for her happiness, even if it were without me as a partner, as opposed to both of our losses. Friendships are precious.  Think before you speak. And remember even the best intended ‘words’ can still hurt.

       Ike’s conclusion to the poster read “Mutual effort and respect are key to a lasting and happy relationship, regardless of gender.” Remember those words. Nothing could be more important in a relationship. 

     Thank you, Ike, once again. Perhaps this will help others as it has helped me.

Casey Dacanay

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