Dating In This Generation

The other night I was watching Tim Allen’s sitcom Shifting Gears when a line caught my attention. “I haven’t dated anyone like you in ages,” his date said. The response came quickly. “What did you expect, a hipster jackass?”

It was meant to get a laugh, and it did. But after the laughter faded, I found myself thinking.

Not about the joke

About the kind of man I’ve always tried to be.

For a brief moment, my mind drifted back to someone from my past. Not out of bitterness or regret. Those chapters have already been written. It simply reminded me that while circumstances change, values don’t.

What it reminded me of was something much simpler.

The past three years may have changed many things about me, but they haven’t changed my values.

Being a part of Maya’s life now, I still believe respect begins with the little things. Saying “please” and “thank you.” Holding a door. Listening more than talking. Using someone’s name because I want them to know they’re seen. Those aren’t habits I turn on for a first impression. They’re part of who I am.

Upbringing

Maybe that’s because I was raised by an elderly couple and the lessons they taught me weren’t complicated.

They taught me to say “please” and “thank you.” To hold the door open for someone walking behind me and arrive on time. Along with the importance of keeping my word and to treat people the way I’d want to be treated.

Dating My Way

When it comes to dating, those lessons didn’t suddenly disappear.

Offering to pay for dinner isn’t about money. No more than walking a date to her car and opening her door isn’t about believing a woman can’t open it herself. It’s simply how I was taught to show respect.

If she wants to split the bill, I’d gladly do that because relationships are partnerships, and there’s nothing wrong with sharing responsibilities. The point in never about who reaches for the check, it’s making the other person feel valued.

Courtesy vs Obligation

Somewhere along the way, I think we’ve started confusing courtesy with obligation. They’re not the same thing. Courtesy isn’t about keeping score. It’s about making another person’s day just a little better.

Name Game

A few years ago, my therapist noticed something about me.

Whenever I spoke to someone—even a friend—I almost always address them by their first name.

One day she asked me why.

I told her it was simple.

“It’s out of respect.”

When I use someone’s name, I want them to know I’m talking to them—not at them. I want them to know I see them. That they aren’t just another face passing through my day.

After we talked about it, I noticed she began doing the same with me. It was a small change, but it reminded me how even the simplest acts can influence the people around us.

That’s what respect looks like to me. And it isn’t found in expensive gifts. It’s found in remembering someone’s name and felt by saying “please” before making a request and “thank you” afterward.

It’s being present while listening and waiting for your turn to speak. So is showing up when you said you would and, in your kindness, when no one is keeping score.

Maybe those values make me old-school. If they do, I’m perfectly ok with that. Because the older I get, the more convinced I become that the little things aren’t little at all. They’re often the biggest things we do.

Looking back, that old couple, they taught me something I refuse to outgrow. Respect isn’t measured by grand gestures. It’s measured by the little things we choose to do every single day.

And I have a feeling this world could use a little more of that.

Real Talk

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