An Apology to Shanna Forrestall
Throwback Thursday to 6/ 27
I have been thinking about Shanna Forrestall a lot lately and I suppose it’s partly because of my upcoming trip that has ties of its own to our friendship split. The travel vouchers I’m using are remnants of what was aimed to be used on a Chattanooga Fashion Expo visit last November, in which I was expected to attend. Yet out of my own stupidity, insecurities and faith in our ten-year friendship I rudely ducked out on.
I was torn, still am, and healing from events someone other than Shanna had caused and had been going down the wrong road trying to heal myself unaided. But now, working with master degreed and certified therapist, Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska, I’m headed in the right direction correcting those issues.
Throwback Thursday to 6 / 27 / 24
What happened was I accidentally ‘butt dialed’ Shanna a few times last Thursday’. It’s not funny, ‘butt’ I’m laughing because she messaged me back saying “Hey Rick. I think you keep butt dialing me.”
In our latest session, that is what Agnes, and I would address.
I went on saying to the therapist in regard to Shanna’s text, ‘yeah right, I’m thinking, you’re just trying to break the ice and get me talking because we haven’t spoken in months. Plus, it sounds like something either of us would have done to get the others attention, so I looked before texting back. And sure enough, I did.’ Even took the screenshot, I added.
After explaining it to Agnes, she attributed it to ‘synchronicity’ and asked if I recalled our talks on the subject, in which I replied I had.
Quickly releasing the memories of Casey unfriending and blocking me, a move I am deeply and emotionally hurt by, she continued by asking me my thoughts on the occurrences and after giving her my take, asked just one question. “Do you feel like you’ve done what was done to you?”
My reply came in one word, “yup.” After a deep breath and short pause, I added, “I won’t lie or hide behind that,” it hurts. Both hurt like hell. I love them both to this day.
I knew I had been wrong and had even mentioned to Agnes that sometimes I felt like I was acting like Casey in my actions. Avoiding truth and communication to the wrongfulness and lack of communication so my own narrative sits better within my soul while forcing cautiousness upon myself to avoid being hurt emotionally by anyone ever again.
But it was sweltering inside as it’s not me nor who I want to be. I’ve always been a free spirit and anyone who actually knows me, knows that.
Then I just blurted. “I have to make amends to Shanna,” to the therapist. Her friendship means more than someone other’s lack of kindness and caring because of their own downfalls and demons.
“That’s what strength of character looks like,” Agnes tells me afterwards and by the end of our discussion, I was giggling like a kid hearing a naughty word at Agnes’ mention of ‘butt dial’ when she finished, “It was meant to be. That butt dial. Synchronicity.”
Shanna Forrestall
Dearest Shanna, I am truly sorry for my actions. They were totally uncalled for and you’re right, my phone should have been muted or off, as well as some heartfelt communication between us. I’ve learned healing alone is dangerous and can cause far more harm than good. There’s a reason neither of us deleted one another’s numbers from our phones, it was for this individual ‘calling’ of growth on my part, and from the bottom of my heart please accept my apology for my misgivings and I pray we can start anew. – Rick
We can’t keep putting one’s mental health in our crosshairs over our own lack of empathy or self-centeredness and learn that our lives and actions really do affect others in both positive and negative forms. There’s nothing wrong in doing what you want to do, just don’t hurt others in the process. Their feelings and pains are just as real as yours.
And remember, growing as an ‘adult’ is hard, but ‘adulting,’ should be easy. Just do the right thing as Mr. Spock would say, “The needs of the many outweigh the few.”.
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friendship matters, kindness
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