A broken promise? No…I don’t think so…
…as Agnieszka Rdesinska, Certified RTT Hypnotherapist and NLP Coach, asked me for these. And I thought it interesting enough to bring light to another step of my therapy which may help you rather than keep it to myself. So, the last wasn’t really the last of my story.
Agnes asked for ten of my favorite songs, I sent her eleven, as she wanted to evaluate me once more.
After listening to them, the therapist responded back and said, “I have a good idea of what resonates with your soul. First, I’ll list my thoughts related to each of your songs.”
An old favorite from years gone by sung by, Ricky Nelson of Ozzie and Harriet fame, brings back memories of my first ‘real’ job as a reporter. I had thought I had learned those lessons well. Reading people. Their words and actions. But apparently, I hadn’t, and in turn started this site to heal the best way I knew, by writing. Her name’s not Marylou, yet our friendship seemed to have ended much like the reclusiveness of Howard Hughes.
As to the above Nelson hit of the early 70’s, she says, it “Reflects a desire for authenticity and staying true to oneself amidst changing circumstances. This song resonates with your journey of self-discovery and learning.”
I’ve always loved Whitney Houston. Such a voice with glamor and beauty beyond reproach. But what I didn’t tell Agnes, until now, the song I once loved to hear most does nothing but cause pain these days. Not because Whitney’s gone but because someone else is not in my life. To me the song is synonymous with that lost friendship.
I think she seen through me as she wrote the song ” Expresses a profound longing for true and enduring love. It suggests a deep appreciation for relationships that leave a lasting impact, even when they must end.”
This is where the title of this article originates from. I’m tired of pain. “I only want to hear love songs,” and the beat to Rita’s hit is uplifting and fun to me.
It says, Agnes, “Represents the personal and emotional connection you feel with music. The song is an ode to personal expression and cherishing intimate moments.”
Ten years ago, while watching the movie Armageddon, I heard ‘I don’t want to miss a thing,‘ for the first time. The words resonate with any relationship. Mine included and I still miss her badly except for that one night in a dream before my final radiation treatment. That night I dreamt she was dreaming of me too. It made me happy. Yes, that mention was of her, and the blog has since been revised in transparency.
“Conveys the importance of cherishing every moment with loved ones. This song speaks to your fear of loss and desire to savor each precious moment,” how true Agnes’ was in this assessment.
Have you ever NOT kissed someone and had this feeling? I have, even if only as a friend.
Agnes tells me, it “Highlights a yearning for companionship and the joy of being with someone special. This song aligns with the theme of finding contentment and happiness in love.”
My ex literally broke me. I wanted no part of love. But I woke up one day seventeen years later, like Jake Tayor in the movie Major League, where I remembered this song from, and tried talking to my feelings with no response. I didn’t know how to start loving again, still don’t.
“This deeply touching song suggests a longing for a place of emotional security and peace, akin to the feeling of being at home with a loved one,” Agnes typed.
And to her, I type back, “this isn’t easy,” as I sob. But I have to finish this journey.
‘My Hometown’ has changed a lot, so much so its nearly unrecognizable to me and my friends that were raised there. Ours grew with new money. Nothing there to remember at least at my end of town. But I have the memories of my grandfather letting me sit on his lap steering that old push button Dodge down the dirt roads headed to the party store after a newspaper and the old mill and train station nearby. Those are fond ones.
But I don’t like recalling the others, they hurt. It’s been decades since I’ve traveled the thirty miles or so back home as there’s nothing there for me as I’ve said goodbyes to my grandparents and other family members in the cemetery long ago.
The song, the therapist, adds, “Evolves a sense of nostalgia and reflection on your past. It represents the bittersweet memories of childhood and the impact your roots have on your current identity.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of this song and actually sung it when I was diagnosed with cancer. Thought I had gotten over it when I found out I had heart disease twenty some years ago. But I hadn’t because I couldn’t tell her. Oh, I suppose I could have called, texted or emailed her and let her know but then it would’ve been seen as a sign of pity. I wouldn’t do that; I had gone low enough asking for forgiveness and apologizing for everything, but love itself, including of all things ‘my feelings’ to save a friendship with no reply. That was enough.
“A song of retrospection and acceptance of life’s journey, emphasizing the importance of living without regrets and valuing the good times,” again Agnes had seen through me.
Through all the heart procedures, cancer diagnosis and even its treatment last year, I still wanted to ‘Believe I can fly,’ and hung on to Yolanda’s voice and the song’s lyrics throughout it all. Even in hopes of rekindling that lost friendship. I believed.
In you, she says, it, ‘Inspires resilience and hope, showing how faith and inner strength have helped you overcome challenges. This song mirrors your unwavering perseverance.’
I never ‘wondered if it’s true that you could up and make me cry,’ as even my grandmother’s passing hadn’t done that. I had no reason to think you could. But maybe I should have wondered beforehand because you sure did even after never quarreling, no not once, until that day.
This one Agnes sung back to me, “The joy of reconnecting with past loves or rekindling old relationships, symbolizing a theme of renewal and enduring affection.”
It was here where I spoke of my two ‘Linda’s’ fondly to Agnes. Both still friends, one from kindergarten and the other from old family ties. We talk or message a couple times a month. Afterall, isn’t that what love and friendship is about? But how I still yearn to sing ‘How do you do,’ to her.
‘Dance with me Tonight,’ is special. The tie that bound us. I’ve used this song on occasion but only once deliberately attached to a story or post directed to someone and never will again. It was to her.
It starts, “My name is Olly nice to meet you, can I tell you baby? Look around, there’s whole lot of pretty ladies. But none like you, you shine so bright…” You get the rest. By this point we had known one another a couple years and the song, to me, seemed a way to express my feelings and includes a portion of my name abide it’s spelled differently.
With this, Agnes concluded her assessment of the songs I rated as my favorites, by saying, it’s “A vibrant and uplifting song that underscores your love for fun and spontaneity, reflecting your appreciation for joyous and carefree moments.”
Perhaps I was being too carefree and read both our emotions wrong as the years went by or maybe I should have used the ‘Words’ below as a better signal and a twelfth song.
I can write but haven’t a clue about relationships. Words spoken are the hardest, words typed are stories both fiction and non, this is not. In the end Agnes included her overall levy upon me.
In the beginning of the end, she said, “The songs you’ve chosen are a harmonious blend of undying love, nostalgia, and resilience. They paint a portrait of someone who values genuine connections, cherishes memories, and finds strength in resilience and hope. Which is exactly who you are.”
Then goes on, “The recurring themes of enduring love, nostalgic reflections, and the pursuit of personal authenticity highlight your emotional depth and the significant role that relationships and personal experiences play in your life.” And that my, “musical choices reveal a journey of longing, love, and ultimately, a triumphant spirit that finds inspiration and solace in music.”
I hadn’t known music played such an important part in my search for happiness in either friendship or relationships until now. I figured sure friends can enjoy the same songs but now I’ve learned they’re attached to the ‘soul’ as well.
The more I understand myself the better off I’ll be. I know that and thanks to Agnes’ help I’m healing. It still hurts like hell from time to time and I still find myself fighting the urge to draw connections to my past and present when I should just let them cohabit my thought process as I’ll never be able to say “I can’t love you. I can’t hate you. I need to nothing you, but don’t know how.”
Happy Birthday to me today! 6/13
Agnes’ Social Sites:
Clarity for Mind | Agnieszka Rdesinska (@clarity_for_mind) • Instagram
Clarity for Mind | Agnieszka Rdesinska (@clarity_for_mind) on Threads
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Birthday Month, video blog, cancer survivor, cancer survivor month, Geminis Do It Better, Gemini Season
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