Butterfly In the Sky: With Agnieszka Rdesinska

Reaffirming the Butterfly Theory

Friend and Therapist, Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska and I had been passing notes back and forth throughout Saturday and although I hadn’t planned on penning this now, the more I thought about it, the greater the need became while my thoughts were fresh and clear.

**Agnieszka Rdesinska; RTT hypnotherapist and NLP Coach**

‘Patch’ Rdesinska

Agnes may have just earned a new nickname from me for guiding my life through the darkest of all nights. ‘Patch,’ I’ll tease her now (after Patch Adams played by Robin Williams) has made me feel the best I have in sixteen months and no better time could have occurred than the present as my ‘Birthday Month’ just started.

Adding the ‘red nose’ photo and the song ‘Faith of the Heart’, from Rod Stewart, are a fitting bit of humorous truth about my feelings as I type this. But I must admit, I did shed a tear or two prior to our conversations end.

A while back, Agnes reaffirmed the very ‘butterfly’ theory I had used while sending Casey one years ago from Boston. However, the therapist was sending me one in her words as a sign of my growth. And it landed just as this one had on Patch’s hand in the movie.

During its flight from the Netherlands, where Agnes lives, has her practice and studies, it had lost some friends along the way, I’m sure. Just as mine has since my journey began. But they, too, are free now, and I hope their growth has or can come much quicker than mine and as successful because healing can be extremely hard and painful.

Transformation

“This perfectly describes the inner conflict a person can face when healing,” Agnes says after I explained some recent friend losses during this healing process. “Sometimes unhealed people attract toxic friends that cross their boundaries and use them. So, when they heal, see their own worth and stand up for themselves – the toxic friends don’t like that and that leads to conflicts.”

Losing friends is never easy and if there is one thing I’ve learned from these sessions with Agnes, it is to set boundaries and associate myself with likeminded people. But unlike others, I haven’t and won’t revert to blocking anyone I’ve been friends with on social media. That, to me and many therapists I’ve read, including Agnes, is wrong and creates its own traumas such as mine.

“This is a perfect example of how healing rids you of people who aren’t good for you. I love it,” She adds of my story, “It goes like this – a person carrying trauma usually attracts people who are compatible with the way their trauma expresses itself. So, when they heal, suddenly these people stop being compatible with them, the person who’s healing might realize they’re actually bad for their mental or emotional health. or the friends are used to capitalizing on the trauma’s and suddenly they can’t do that anymore and they don’t like it.”

Her words, above, are where those tears were shed as I read and felt not only my pain but the pain, I sensed, in the one who caused mine as well. It may not be the closure I sought but it makes more sense than any other and I can live with that, as a share of the blame belongs to us both.

Nearing the end, it was ‘friend’, Agnes, that had decided she’d choose this ‘butterfly’ for me and my Christmas Tree this year as a sign of that growth she has seen in me. The tree which held near fifty similar gifted and ornament ideas from friends around the world this past year was designed as inspiration for my cancer fight last holiday season. And as promised, I’ll continue to display all those ornaments year in and out as a small token of all your love and support.

She offered to order the ornament when holiday time neared, but like many of you know it was the inspiration I sought not the gift. So unbeknownst to her I ordered it, like most others, and display it proudly now in her honor and it will be the first hung with care this Christmas season.

In her final words, like Kenny Rogers in ‘The Gambler.’ I found an ace that I could keep, when she said…

“Healing and growth changes your energy and some people stop being compatible with you. But if you don’t give up on them, what often happens is they “catch up” with you.”

…But I’ve also learned to know when to walk away and when to run.

Writers Note:

I know I’m not done healing, but this will be the last I publish of my own journey. It’s been a hallowing experience with many ups and downs, and I hope that it may have helped someone along the way.

I’ll be happy to assist Agnes in any stories she’d like to see written but mine has to end where I’ve found my own happiness. And that is here wearing my own ‘red nose’ with the only glue required to heal my shattered heart being that attached to ‘Patches’ words that guided me.