With Tonya Jeffries
September 22, 2023
I’m glad I have Tonya Jeffries riding shotgun here with me on this. She’s a ‘real person’ with real ‘business affairs’ that insist on splitting the two on social media. I’m just going to say this straight up, if you’re not splitting your hairs and making friends on those same accounts you deem as business, you need to ‘STOP.’ Do not pass go, you cannot collect and everything you gained goes in ‘Free Parking.’ New house rules, until you’ve read this piece. – Rick
How often have you come across someone on social media that you’ve begun talking to, for months if not years, just to have them come back to utter ‘this is a business account’ as their means to end what you thought was a friendship? I’ve heard from others who’ve encountered the same sendoff prior to being ‘ghosted.’
In an attempt to get a better understanding of this ever-growing problem on social media I’ve reached out to friend and follower, entrepreneur, Tonya Jeffries and how she handles such situations.
Tonya’s Take:
“Separating myself from social media was to maintain my privacy and boundary of my personal life as well as business,” was Tonya’s response to what lead to her separating herself from her businesses and social media accounts. Which is fully understandable by any standpoint not only because of today’s climate of cyberbullying but, also. you don’t want ‘everyone’ knowing your business information and works equally from the personal standpoint of not wanting clients or customers knowing your private life.
I understand it’s hard to associate friendship while still operating a professional site, how have you managed it? was my immediate follow-up. ” Honestly it can be challenging,” the businesswoman from Atlanta began, “To balance personal relationships and professional responsibilities it can be helpful to establish good boundaries, communicate openly and honestly with both friends and colleagues and ensure that professional responsibilities are not compromised by personal relationships.”
Actions:
Sir Issac Newton said that “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It definitely holds true here, as Tonya says the biggest drawbacks from the separation have been an “Increase (in) anxiety & depression, cyber bullying & harassment, and time management issues.”
Not everyone, I would speculate, are affected in the same manner. Just be prepared for that reaction, which in some cases maybe founded as well as unfounded.
Gone but not Forgotten:
What are your thoughts on what I see it as a default mechanism simply to dissolve a friendship? I asked next and Tonya opined, “From a general perspective, dissolving a friendship should not be taken lightly and should only be done after consideration with careful and open communication. Friendships, like any relationship, can have ups and downs, but it’s important to work through any conflicts rather than defaulting to dissolution. At the same time, there may be situations where it is necessary to end a friendship for the sake of one’s own emotional well-being or safety. It’s important to trust your instincts and do what feels right for you, but also to strive for mutual respect and empathy in any relationship.”
Let me put focus on ‘careful and open communication’ along with ‘respect and empathy,’ for a moment. Online friendships are different, we all know that. But that doesn’t mean ‘personal feelings’ haven’t entered the fray. Especially if the friendship has been ongoing for some time. And the worst thing you can do to someone that’s been kind, caring and compassionate over a period of time, is go ‘no contact,’ without an explanation. I get the ‘no contact’ premise for physical abuse, mental abuse and fear for one’s safety but to dissolve one’s friendship over their ‘feelings’ is dead wrong. You have no right questioning one’s feelings and every obligation to their wellbeing for an explanation. Show ’empathy’ you have no idea what they’ve been through. So, if you’re mingling friendships over a business account you should heed this advice too.
Follow or Unfollow:
My next question to Tonya, may be a bit controversial to those seeking follow numbers as opposed to quality of your followers. I’ve recently changed opinions on that matter. Before I was about numbers, not any longer. I’ve come to the conclusion I’d rather have engaged followers, while the one’s that I’m following back all share something in common with myself.
Recently I dismissed 500 plus followers, might sound cruel but I did not block them in case the truly interested ones want to follow again.
After discussing the fact that there are so many fakes out here, I asked, do you take any actions when it comes to those types that do follow you? Tonya replied. “Absolutely every month I manage the accounts to see what’s real or fake it’s important especially if you’re running a business the idea is to get your business out to real people.” I should have, also, mentioned I unfollowed over one hundred non-engaging followers as well.
Social Media Tonya:
I’m a staunch believer in knowing who I follow and what content they provide me. As one of my followers you’ve more than likely received a message from me, either introducing myself or bringing my own insight into one of you posts in private. I read every bio and look through past posts for mutual interests as well. With that said my next inquiry to Tonya was as follows. What advice would you want your possible new followers to know before they even click that ‘follow’ on your account? “That’s I’m authentic, I love empowering and educating and supporting anyone in business,” she replied.
Walking Away from Social Media:
I’ve threatened to just walk away from social media with the exception of Facebook, I told Tonya, while adding, I’m not overly fond of it. But it’s connected to real life family and friends, while adding, have you thought about just shutting it down as well? “Yes! Every day!’: she answered, “Social hasn’t given me any business word of mouth. Mainly due to the fact it’s a family account, most don’t care to support or engage, so my business is not on Facebook.”
Why Follow Me:
In closing up our interview, I asked the typical ‘Rick’ query. Why did she follow me?
“I began following you I believe it was a Forbes connection not for sure, but you seem to engage, wanted to know about a person and what they bring, who they are, plus I love meeting new people who are interested in engaging and learning more about each other,” she articulated.
Writers Note:
Thank you very much Tonya for your time, effort and friendship. It’s been an honor to have joined forces with you on such an important topic.
Breaking it down, not all friendships last, but be kind to those that have been with you, supported you and even cared for you. They do deserve an explanation why you’re leaving and or blocking. Or at the very least say ‘Thank you for being part of my life. Your friendship really mattered to me in my time of need. But I think I should go my own way now.’ As for fake followers, social sites aren’t going to get them all. Do your due diligence by getting rid of them. Who knows, if we all did that, the ether could be a better universe. – Rick
Tonya can be found at:
Tonya Elegant Virgo Girlslayer (@tjgirlslayer_) • Instagram
TJGirlslayer (@virgotj) | TikTok
Tonya Elegant Virgo Girlslayer (@tjgirlslayer_) on Threads
If you’re not already following me, please do:
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