Cancer Updates

Saturday, November 1, 6:45 AM

Five days seems a bit early to begin writing a prelude to this week’s urology appointment. But why not, some things have come up and better to journal them now as to not forget.

Urologist

My urologist finally returned a call yesterday after trying to contact him for the past two weeks. I know, the thought has crossed my mind. But my upcoming appointment with him is too close to go new doctor hunting. Yet the information is stored.

With no apology and only a ‘I was unavailable,’ he said he had just spoken to my oncologist about a PET and MRI scan. I told him we agreed on the PET. Then reminded him if an MRI was ordered I’d have to go to another hospital and have it done. My ICD is an Abbott device and the lead wire connecting it to my heart is Medtronic.

Hospitals, including where my oncologist works from, refuses to do MRIs on crossovers. That’s because they fear potential lawsuits if something goes wrong.

Fortunately, the hospital my cardiologist works out of does do them. But at last inquiry, there’s a lengthy waiting list. So, the PET is the next best option. I, also, mentioned to him that oncology gave me a script for a new PSA test prior to seeing him.

This PSA came with two reasonings. First the oncologist wanted the urologist to have the newer results. Secondly, the oncologist isn’t one hundred percent sure the latest biopsy results aren’t ‘false positives.’ Those show more often in patients like me, that have gone through radiation therapy and haven’t reached their second anniversary of completed treatment. That doesn’t occur until near the end of December. And the new numbers would help him track it.

He told me that the PSA test was unnecessary because the numbers would be high for up to a month because of my recent biopsy. (But it will have been over a month by the time it’s done)

Then said he’d order Lupron which reduces testosterone levels in men which is needed for cancers growth. Instead of feeding it, he’ll starve it or diminish its ability to enlarge itself by lowering its growth source.

The possible side effects are crazy. From hot flashes to shrunken testicles it’s all included. Rest assured I’m contacting my cardiologist before any injection. Last thing I need is a damn heart attack.

Inspiration

I told my therapist, in an article, that all I wanted in life was to be remembered when I was gone. In my heart, I was actually talking about being remembered by the masses. And I’d still like that. But now …

Recently I was surprised by the love shown to me from a dear friend. Tracy and I met a couple years ago while we were both struggling from our own demons and stayed close. She’s since started a singing career and had tagged me in a song a while back. In partial the tag read. “I’m giving a shout-out to two of those angels who showed up in my life and helped me find the courage to share with you today.”

This past week, she messaged via Instagram. The multi-talented actress, singer-songwriter and now author inquired with, “Hi hon, question, what title do like given to you as a writer? I am currently writing my second eBook, this one centers around being the black sheep of the family, I want to add YOU in the dedication! You gave me a voice, you understood how desperately the black sheep, the scapegoat, prays to be heard! You let me exhale and breathe when you wrote the article! I’m forever grateful for you, my friend. What title and name can I use when I add you to dedications?”

… I’ve learned that it’s not about being remembered. It’s about caring enough to help someone move forward. And it looks like I’ve done that.

I had to put this out here because it makes me feel good. Good to have a friend and good to know that I’ve helped someone. That is enough, I’m happy. Thank you, Tracy.

Oncologist

After meeting with the oncologist this past Tuesday, I called the office as they had suggested yesterday. I was checking to see if an appointment for my PET scan had been scheduled yet. However, the nurse in charge of oncology wasn’t available. She did return my call a bit later in the day.

Becca is admirable. Always polite and informative. She has a softness in her that fits in really well while helping the cancer patients. It’s as if it’s personal to her and she truly cares.

She assured me my prior authorization was in the works. The appointment should be scheduled by mid-week. I understood when she added they were making it a point to include everything needed in the paperwork for its approval. Doting all the ‘i’s’ and crossing the ‘t’s’, we learned in ’23 when I had my first PET, is imperative. Blue Cross is tough. We fought them till the day before that procedure for its approval back then. I’m glad we’re playing hardball with them now.

I informed her of the urologist saying he didn’t need the PSA and it wouldn’t be of any use because of the biopsy. But told her I was going ahead with it anyway. I’ve wondered a few times over the past couple years why we hadn’t been tracking the numbers closer. I’ve got that opportunity now and I’m keeping it. Even if for my own state of mind.

Monday, November 3, 6 AM

Does one ever get use to setting the clocks back and forth from Spring to Fall? I haven’t and have been up since 4:30 thinking. Thinking about treatment options and friendships.

Then I saw a new message from Tracy this morning. “Love you so my dear friend❤️” and realization sunk it, I haven’t been alone.

Taylor was right when she penned the lyrics, “oh my Lord never made no one like you before.” Love you more than ever my friend.

Heading to the clinic again this morning to give blood for that PSA one doctor doesn’t want and the other does. I really don’t know what to expect from these results.

Yet, I keep my hopes alive for a false positive and a lowered result would help. But I know from experience, hope can be an equally bad feeling.

Emotionally, post blood draw; I’m still not sure what to expect. As expectations can be more damaging than hope. Just not going to think about the results till they come in later today.

7 PM

Today’s PSA numbers are in. Lowered by almost a half a point.

Tuesday, November 4, 6 AM

The news of the lowered PSA, even only by a half a point, struck home last night. I’ve always been notorious for reading between the lines and don’t like my conclusions.

I’ll talk to my cardiologist tomorrow and go from there. Thank you, Jen, for your sound reasoning.

Wednesday, November 5, 6 AM

Saw a no to ‘No-vember‘ post on Instagram the other day and it just made me shake my head. If you have to remind yourself to say ‘NO‘ to something, maybe you’re doing something wrong. Try communication. That always works best.

Today, I’m communicating some love out to friends that have chosen ornaments for my Christmas Tree this year.

Cancer Sucks but I’ve had a lot of support over the years. I’d like to thank Nadege, Shiny, Avital, Juliana and Juliet, Elaine, Kristyn Liz and Natalie for their ornaments that are brightening up my days. It means so much having friends behind me during this battle. Love all of you!

10:30 AM

Made the call to my cardiologist about taking the Lupron. He gave the OK. Waiting to see if urologist is prepared tomorrow. I will be.

Thursday, November 6, 6 AM

Woke up with a sense of calmness about me. Hope it stays with me through this appointment. May the Force be with Me.

Down to my ‘Last Fuck.’

1 PM

I don’t even know where to start. No, urologist did not give me a Lupron injection. No, urologist never put in a request for Lupron. Strike two.

All urologist did was talk. Said that after oncologist found out I wasn’t on the Lupron already, that he did not want me to start it until after the PET.

I reminded him that he had known since mid-September about the biopsy results. I, also, told him that I had the PSA done even after he said I didn’t need it. While standing to leave, I looked at him dead square in the eyes and reminded him he had just wasted two months of my life.

I then said, see you doc and walked out of the exam room.

1:10 PM

Just got off the phone with Becca in oncology. Appointment is set for PET and insurance approved it. Finally, a little good news. The time frame still works out, so no upcoming appointments need to be changed.

For now, it looks as if I’ve saved that ‘Last Fuck‘ for later this month.

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