Why I Post

I’ve been thinking about motives lately. Not other people’s motives. Mine.

Why do I post what I post? Why do I share things immediately and then keep others to myself? How can I absolutely love a photo and then decide not to post it? The bigger question is why I’ve recently had the urge to stop posting on Instagram altogether.

The strange thing is, I still believe in what Instagram was founded on: photographs. That’s what drew me there. I love photography. I love capturing moments that might otherwise disappear while sharing a piece of my life through a picture. Instagram has become a lot of other things, but for me, it still comes back to photographs.

I don’t think I’ve stopped liking Instagram. But I’ve started questioning why I’m posting.

Am I sharing because I’m happy? Because I captured something beautiful? Because I want to connect with people? Or because I want one particular person to see it?

When the Past Looks Back

That’s an uncomfortable question because sometimes the honest answer is yes.

That’s where things get complicated. You can be moving forward and still have ghosts. You can be happy with where you are and still occasionally wonder whether someone from your past is watching. You can fall in love, build a completely different life and genuinely mean it when you say you’re happy, yet still discover that a tiny piece of your past hasn’t completely stopped talking to you.

I don’t think that means you want the past back. I think it simply means something mattered to you once, and your heart doesn’t always erase things just because your life has changed.

The Pictures I Don’t Post

I’ve caught myself doing that with photographs of Maya and myself. There are pictures I absolutely love. But I’ve hesitated to share them because I’ve realized part of me wants someone from my past to see them. And I don’t like that. Not because there’s anything wrong with the pictures or with being happy, but because I don’t want someone who isn’t part of my life anymore quietly influencing what I do with the life I have now.

I can almost hear Maya telling me I’m thinking about this too much. 😂 She’d probably say, “Pookie, if you love the picture, post the damn picture. Don’t let somebody who isn’t part of your life anymore decide what you get to share.”

Maybe I’m Not the Only One

And she’d be right.

Maybe I’m not supposed to stop posting. Maybe I’m supposed to remember why I started.

The photographs. The moments. The people I love. The life I’m actually living.

I can’t be the only person who feels this. Maybe you’ve moved on from a relationship, a friendship, a chapter of your life, or even a version of yourself, and still occasionally find an old ghost standing in the doorway.

I don’t think that makes us weak. I think it makes us human.

Moving forward doesn’t always mean leaving every piece of the past behind. Sometimes it means carrying the memories without letting them carry you.

Taking Back the Motive

I can acknowledge the ghost without inviting it back inside.

That’s what motives are really about. Not pretending they aren’t there, but deciding which ones get to run your life.

I want to take photographs because I love photography. I want to write because I have something to say. I want to share my life because I’m proud of the life I’m living.

And if someone from my past happens to see it?

That’s their business.

I’m finally learning that my life doesn’t have to be a message to anyone. It can simply be my life. ❤️

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