Spiderman or Hulk? Radiation Treatment IV

Who will I become …

December 18, 2023

Sunday

The day went by pretty much the same as the others. Trips to the you know where continued. Watched some football (more like listened to it) and a few check ins on social media. I don’t mind talking to people, as long as it’s not about my cancer. What it’s like, does it hurt, are you sick question answering gets old and repetitive.

Nice to see a boatload of supportive comments on my Instagram posts. Not to mention my ‘like’ counts are above 300 per post with an average of 22 comments each over the last dozen.

Seems people, one, either are supportive in my journey or two, waiting for me to turn green like the ‘Incredible Hulk.’ Sadly, I may be letting them down, as my cousin’s husband mentioned to me, last week, I was looking more red. Guess that means ‘Spiderman.’

Yes, ‘Spiderman’ the ‘Marvel’ character is on my famous Christmas Tree as well. Perhaps I should order one of the ‘Hulk’ this week as well.

Either character could afford me the liberties to save a ‘damsel in distress’ going down ‘Niagra Falls’ in a ‘barrel’ filling full of ‘ice water’. Maybe, I’ll become a ‘superhero’ of my own imagination. But I’m not keen on having webs being shot out through my wrist. Yet compared to the price of clothing after each transformation into the Hulk, it would definitely be more cost effective.

I was so out of it Saturday night; I missed the Detroit Lions game. Slept through it. But good to hear they had won when I woke. Hard to believe my generation isn’t old enough to have seen them win a championship. I keep saying ‘not in my lifetime.’ I’m not fully aboard that Super Bowl bandwagon yet as they’ve always found new ways to lose when it counted in the past.

Monday Treatment Day

I truly do ‘hope something unexpectedly good happens to you this week.’ I can clearly ‘see’ the care you show in me and my recovery. This has been a long journey and as it nears its end, I have a sense of ease about it. You’ve done this by merely being nearby.

Someone asked me this weekend if going through this battle was worse than my heart issues earlier this year. I had to say yes, it is. But the two cannot compare because of other factors. However, if it were just the procedures involved, then yes it has been.

Any time you’re put under a scalpel, actually a laser, there’s risks. Being put to sleep, there are risks. You just don’t know what can happen and I’ve become indifferent to those procedures. I tried to fight it before, but it does no good. I just go in and let it happen. If anything happens for the worse, I hope everyone that I love, knows that I do love them up to my last breath. Only thing missing would be the goodbyes. That’s why I always make sure people I care for know my feelings in advance.

This ‘cancer’ eats at you soul. I’m healthy but knowing that it exists inside me sucks at my very being like a damn vampire.

I haven’t screamed ‘why me.’ Those days and emotions have long past with the announcement of my heart condition, which arose in the 90’s. Imagine being that young and being diagnosed with heart failure. But I’ve come to live with it.

Mail and Me

Now I’m upset. My friend Michelle had sent me a Christmas Card and it was supposed to have arrived last Thursday, according to the post offices informed delivery system. And it still hasn’t. She’s the only lawyer I like…Fucking 45 and his appointee!

Some of you have asked why I don’t write a ‘Meet Me’ on ‘Me.’ Never. Some things are meant to be lived with and remembered by oneself. But I will say this much. I was once asked to run for city council by several other city council members. I declined, had no interest in politics when I was in my 20’s, still don’t. That’s how I first met former President Bill Clinton.

I detest lawyers and politicians as they live off the pain and suffering of the masses. I was married to a former state senators’ daughter and although I never speak of her, my life was a living hell. It ruined my believe in love, trust, faith and even companionship and I lived with those feelings until 2021, only to lose it again early this year.

So, if you think I’m cold. opinionated and sometimes rude, that’s why. But I still have a heart and if you’re my friend, you will be forever.

Treatment

Bathroom trips continue and just like the previous nights, before radiation treatment, are mostly sleepless with my mind still running at full speed.

I’m home now after Round 4. Treatment went uneventful as they come. In and out in about 20 minutes, with NO throat clearing.

This time, upon leaving, I asked the nurse to check with my radiation oncologist for something to ease the stinging/burning sensations. Supposed to hear back later this afternoon. The tech explained it could last up to two weeks, after final treatment. And I’d rather not deal with it, if at all possible.