{"id":8809,"date":"2025-05-13T05:22:38","date_gmt":"2025-05-13T09:22:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/?p=8809"},"modified":"2026-03-02T18:12:34","modified_gmt":"2026-03-02T23:12:34","slug":"keep-chasing-pavements-or-give-up-on-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2025\/05\/13\/keep-chasing-pavements-or-give-up-on-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Keep Chasing Pavements or Give Up on Love?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Mental Health Awareness Month<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is the first of two articles I&#8217;ve planned for <strong><em>May<\/em><\/strong> which is designated as <strong><em>Mental Health Awareness Month<\/em><\/strong>. Both will illuminate ways to navigate through life&#8217;s ups and downs. This includes challenges from lost friendships and love as experienced through my own circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1024\" data-attachment-id=\"3155\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/30\/are-they-an-acquaintance-or-friend-on-social-media\/xx\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?fit=1080%2C1080&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1080,1080\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Agnes\" data-image-description=\"&lt;p&gt;Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska RTT Hypnotherapist &amp;#038; NLP Coach &lt;\/p&gt;\" data-image-caption=\"&lt;p&gt;Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska RTT Hypnotherapist &amp;#038; NLP Coach&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?fit=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3155\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=800%2C800&amp;ssl=1 800w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?resize=200%2C200&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/xx.jpg?w=1080&amp;ssl=1 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska RTT Hypnotherapist &amp; NLP Coach<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I recently thought I had reached the stage of my twenty-seven-month healing journey. I believed I could start focusing on future relationships. I felt at ease with myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I asked <strong><em>RTT Hypnotherapist and NLP Coach<\/em><\/strong> <strong><em><a href=\"https:\/\/clarityformind.com\/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaezpDkHsKDTdNuQOfY6xOODcOFvstfu4rX3IYDs2uTQCbQnNunfNfph71ydow_aem_XZghKqj1kuSLNKUv6oaPGA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska<\/a><\/em><\/strong> to help me once more. I had a few lingering thoughts about the direction of my future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Heading into the interview, I assured myself of one thing. I was just trying to figure myself out. And would I seek a serious relationship with again? Did I even want that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I must say, her responses were deeper than I had anticipated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am in the crosshairs of wanting to date again. Alternatively, I could lie low in my own peacefulness. This was one decision I needed to make. Thoughts of becoming what I fear the most roam in my mind. I fear a conflict between being a serial dater and the monogamy I believe in. Most importantly is the question, after all the pain and grief I&#8217;ve endured, is love even worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We began the interview as planned. But a full out session with &#8216;<strong><em>More to Lose<\/em><\/strong>&#8216; than I hoped ensued. More proof &#8216;<strong><em>healing isn&#8217;t linear<\/em><\/strong>&#8216;. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/T3fA-4D71Kk?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>More to Lose: Miley Cyrus<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Me<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve actually said it so simply to you as this, \u2018I\u2019m giving up on love&#8217;. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I&#8217;m not to this juncture yet, but the thought has definitely crossed my mind. I\u2019m through the shock, pain, grief of her. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Why shouldn\u2019t I just say I\u2019m done, love isn\u2019t worth it mentally?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Agnes<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s such a human question. And not a superficial one at all. Honestly, I think most people who\u2019ve loved deeply and been hurt have thought it\u2014<em>Is it really worth it?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You\u2019ve already walked through the hardest parts\u2014shock, grief, heartbreak. It makes sense that now your mind is trying to protect you from ever feeling that again. Of course it says, \u201cLet\u2019s just shut the door.\u201d That\u2019s your nervous system trying to guard your heart. It\u2019s not weakness. It\u2019s survival.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But giving up on love entirely isn\u2019t the same as protecting yourself wisely. And I don\u2019t think your heart <em>really<\/em> wants to give up\u2014it wants to be safe. It wants to be seen, met, chosen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The problem isn\u2019t that you\u2019re not lovable or that love is a lie. The problem is that you\u2019ve been trying to love people who couldn\u2019t receive or return it. And that hurts in a very specific way\u2014it mirrors something old, deep, and familiar. Something that started long before \u201cher.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I don\u2019t like referring to being alone as a form of peace. It&#8217;s no more calming than saying someone leaving you brings peace. But once you\u2019ve overcome the grief, what sets the mind in believing we don\u2019t need it anyone? Is it normal in breakups? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes, it\u2019s normal after heartbreak to feel like you don\u2019t <em>need<\/em> anyone anymore. That can show up as a kind of self-protection. After pain, the mind often builds armor: <em>If I don\u2019t let anyone in, I can\u2019t be hurt again.<\/em> It feels like strength, and in a way it is\u2014but it can also be loneliness in disguise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I don\u2019t think true peace is found in saying <em>\u201cI need no one.\u201d<\/em> I think peace is found in saying, <em>\u201cI know I can be okay on my own. And I\u2019m also open to connection\u2014if and when it\u2019s safe, mutual, and real.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>And like healing itself, is the feeling not linear as well?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And yes\u2014just like healing, that feeling isn\u2019t linear. There are days when solitude feels sacred, strong, even peaceful. And there are days when it feels like exile. Neither is the full truth. They\u2019re just moments on the path.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes the belief that we don&#8217;t need anyone is a phase of healing\u2014part of restoring self-trust. And sometimes it&#8217;s a form of quiet despair. The key is to stay curious, not rigid. You\u2019re allowed to evolve. You\u2019re allowed to need, and to not need. You\u2019re allowed to outgrow people, and still long for connection. It\u2019s all valid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/08DjMT-qR9g?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Chasing Pavements: Adele <\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I bring this up to look at my morality and thoughts. I still believe just because everyone is doing it, doesn\u2019t make it right. Do what is right even if everyone is doing wrong. <\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Also,<\/em><\/strong> <strong><em>I\u2019m going to use &#8216;your own words&#8217; from one of our conversations. \u201cWhenever I think of my adventure on threads, I feel like I didn&#8217;t really get everything out of it. I could have. Then, I think of the friendship I got with you. And it was all worth it.\u201d <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Why is someone\u2019s friendship \u2018worth it\u2019? Why is not wanting to be in a monogamous relationship read by society as being wrong?  <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s such a powerful question. And I hear you\u2014just because something is common doesn\u2019t make it right. But also\u2026 just because something is <em>uncommon<\/em> doesn\u2019t make it wrong either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I said our friendship made the whole journey \u201cworth it,\u201d I meant that connection\u2014real, meaningful connection\u2014is always worth something. It doesn&#8217;t need to look like what society tells us it <em>should<\/em> look like: monogamy, marriage, 2 kids. That model might work for some, but not for everyone. What matters more is <em>truth<\/em>, <em>mutual respect<\/em>, and <em>emotional honesty<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" data-attachment-id=\"8827\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2025\/05\/13\/keep-chasing-pavements-or-give-up-on-love\/types-of-relationship-in-love\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?fit=1200%2C600&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1200,600\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?fit=1024%2C512&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?resize=1024%2C512&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-8827\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?resize=1024%2C512&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?resize=300%2C150&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?resize=768%2C384&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Types-Of-Relationship-in-Love.webp?w=1200&amp;ssl=1 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Types of Relationship in Love<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>How do our minds associate with not being committed? I\u2019m just going to date whoever and how many I want. This approach has no commitment nor ramifications.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\">I do think that for some people, choosing non-monogamy (or a refusal to commit at all) can come from the same place of self-protection as giving up on love entirely. If love hurt, commitment can feel like a risk. So, it can feel safer to avoid depth, or to spread connection thin across many people, so no one gets too close. But that\u2019s not <em>always<\/em> the case. Non-monogamy can also come from a deep understanding of oneself, from a place of emotional abundance rather than fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What I\u2019d gently invite is this: not to label one path as \u201cright\u201d or \u201cwrong,\u201d but to ask\u2014<em>what\u2019s the motivation?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Is the choice to avoid monogamy coming from desire? Or fear?<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Is it about expanding love, or avoiding intimacy?<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Is it rooted in empowerment\u2014or escape?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>What type of harm can come from this attitude?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s nothing inherently harmful about not wanting to commit, as long as everyone involved is informed, respected, and emotionally safe.<br>But harm can come when someone says, <em>\u201cI\u2019m just going to do whatever I want, with whoever I want, and I owe no one anything.\u201d<\/em> Because even in non-monogamous dynamics, there\u2019s still responsibility. There\u2019s still care. Human hearts are never truly casual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So maybe the real question isn\u2019t <em>\u201cIs this right or wrong?\u201d<\/em> but <em>\u201cIs this honest?\u201d<\/em> Honest with yourself, and with those you bring into your life. Because in the end, the form of the relationship matters less than the <em>quality<\/em> of it. Love\u2014whether in friendship, monogamy, polyamory, or something undefined\u2014asks us to show up with truth. That\u2019s what makes it worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"625\" height=\"509\" data-attachment-id=\"8822\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2025\/05\/13\/keep-chasing-pavements-or-give-up-on-love\/morality-and-truth-mahatma-gandhi\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?fit=625%2C509&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"625,509\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Morality and Truth Mahatma Gandhi\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?fit=625%2C509&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?resize=625%2C509&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-8822\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?w=625&amp;ssl=1 625w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Morality-and-Truth-Mahatma-Gandhi.png?resize=300%2C244&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 625px) 100vw, 625px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I used to believe all people held a form of inherent truth within them. But now I\u2019m not so sure everyone knows right from wrong. I don\u2019t think wanting to be single is wrong. But is it right to want to be in more than one relationship at a time? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>That\u2019s my morality battle now. Seems much easier in this generation to find someone to sleep with first. Then see how it goes afterwards as opposed to old fashioned dating.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I think your question already shows deep self-awareness. Wanting more than one relationship isn\u2019t <em>inherently<\/em> wrong\u2014it depends on honesty, consent, and emotional integrity. The harm usually comes when people <em>aren\u2019t<\/em> clear with themselves or others, when freedom becomes a shield to avoid vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>If it makes me happy and whoever I\u2019m with at happy, why should I adapt my morality to it?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If it truly makes <em>both<\/em> you and the people you\u2019re with feel seen, respected, and emotionally safe, then it\u2019s not about adapting your morality. It\u2019s about aligning your actions with your truth. The key is to check: <em>Am I choosing this from love or from fear? From clarity or from confusion?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>What harm mentally could it cause if I did?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The mental harm happens when we ignore what we really need, or when our choices start to conflict with our deeper values. So stay curious. Keep asking the hard questions like this\u2014that\u2019s how you stay rooted in integrity, whatever shape your relationships take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Z1NP9aHqRGU?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Advice For the Young at Heart: Tears for Fears<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Advice<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><em><strong>Not only have you been guiding me through therapy, you and I have become great friends as well. Turn the therapist in you off and as a FRIEND give me your advice.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I get why your mind is turning this over. You&#8217;re not someone who takes connection lightly, and that\u2019s part of what makes you special. Wanting more than one relationship isn\u2019t wrong, especially not if everyone involved is clear, open, and genuinely okay with it. But I\u2019d just say: make sure you\u2019re not choosing \u201cfreedom\u201d to protect yourself from being hurt again. You deserve love that\u2019s deep <em>and<\/em> safe. Not love that feels like a constant balancing act just to avoid feeling too much. Ask yourself not just <em>\u201cDoes this make me happy right now?\u201d<\/em> but <em>\u201cWill this feel good for my heart six months from now?\u201d<\/em> Because you deserve something that lasts, in whatever form that takes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Now turn the friendship in you off and give it straight to me from the therapist in you?&nbsp;<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s smart to explore both your relationship choices <em>and<\/em> your sense of morality. Because morality is just a set of beliefs shaped by upbringing, culture, and past experiences. It\u2019s worth asking: <em>Where did these beliefs come from? Do they still reflect who I am today?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The tension you\u2019re feeling may not be about right or wrong, but about whether your actions align with your deeper values. That\u2019s where clarity comes from\u2014not from judging the relationship model, but from understanding what truly fits who you are now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Finally, where do you think I\u2019m at in this healing, moving on, getting over or whatever it\u2019s called stage of grief? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Am I even ready for a relationship without hurting myself further or any potential dates?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When it comes to heartbreak, these are the stages of grief:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Shock &amp; Denial<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Disbelief that the relationship is really over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Feeling emotionally numb or acting as if everything is normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Pain &amp; Guilt<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Intense sadness, longing, or emotional pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Thoughts like &#8220;Was it my fault?&#8221; or &#8220;I should\u2019ve done something differently.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Anger &amp; Resentment<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anger at your ex, yourself, or the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Feelings of betrayal or unfairness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Bargaining<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Attempts to get back together or fantasizing about reconciliation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;Maybe if I change, they\u2019ll come back.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Depression<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hopelessness, loss of motivation, withdrawal from others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Feeling like you\u2019ll never find love again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Reconstruction<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Beginning to rebuild your identity and life without the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Discovering new routines, focusing on personal goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Acceptance &amp; Growth<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Peace with the breakup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Gaining insights, learning from the experience, and being open to future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These stages aren\u2019t linear, it\u2019s normal to bounce between them before you can truly move on. I\u2019m sure you can recognize these feelings &#8211; where do you think you are right now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8220;Right now, I&#8217;d say I am bouncing between &#8216;Bargaining &#8211; Acceptance and Growth.&#8217;  But as we&#8217;ve talked before, I&#8217;ve seemed to have bypassed that &#8216;Anger &amp; Resentment&#8217; stage. It&#8217;s not in me&#8221;<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You asked me: \u2018Am I even ready for a relationship without hurting myself further or any potential dates?\u2019. That\u2019s a powerful question\u2014and the fact that you\u2019re asking it already shows so much care and self-awareness. Most people rush into dating without ever pausing to ask if they\u2019re ready, and that\u2019s often where hurt begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Being ready for a relationship doesn\u2019t mean you have no fear, no wounds, or that you\u2019ve figured everything out. It just means you\u2019re willing to be honest\u2014with yourself and with anyone you let in.<br>But if deep down you feel you\u2019re still carrying too much grief, anger, or emotional exhaustion, then maybe the kindest thing you can do, for yourself <em>and<\/em> others, is to take a bit more time. Maybe time to explore why you keep falling for women who keep breaking your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" data-attachment-id=\"8833\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2025\/05\/13\/keep-chasing-pavements-or-give-up-on-love\/img_57381\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?fit=880%2C1173&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"880,1173\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"IMG_5738(1)\" data-image-description=\"&lt;p&gt;Rick Ollie&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-image-caption=\"&lt;p&gt;Rick Ollie&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?fit=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-8833\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=600%2C800&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&amp;ssl=1 450w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=300%2C400&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?resize=150%2C200&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/IMG_57381.jpeg?w=880&amp;ssl=1 880w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Rick Ollie<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Writer&#8217;s Note:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Afterward, Agnes and I went on to discuss one of her suggestions here. Although it&#8217;s not included in this article, it was asked of my next guest <strong><em>Jodika McKinley<\/em><\/strong> in the second article for Mental Health Awareness Month. She&#8217;s also a hypnotherapist along with a love and relationship coach. It will be released in a week or so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;d like to thank Agnes from the bottom of my heart for all her help this past year and a half. Seriously I don&#8217;t know where I&#8217;d be without her professionalism and friendship. A direct link to her website is highlighted above with her introduction in blue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><strong><em>Consider making a small donation (I sure could use it) to help keep my website afloat at&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/justmeric\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">JustMeRic<\/a>. And check out my&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/shop\/rickollie?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsfshop_X2H33BYQ9M4J6VKWB55M\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Amazon Creator Storefront<\/a>. There you\u2019ll see some of the awesome purchases I\u2019ve made and recommend. Yes, I earn a small commission when you shop there. You can also find all of my sites in one place on my&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/linktr.ee\/rickollie\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Linktree<\/a>&nbsp;page. If you enjoy what you read here, please subscribe to my email list at the bottom of the page.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">dailyprompt-1937<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love\u2014whether in friendship, monogamy, polyamory, or something undefined\u2014asks us to show up with truth. That\u2019s what makes it worth it.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":91886495,"featured_media":8860,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"REPOST: In respect to Mental Health Awareness Month here's the first of two articles I've penned for May in hopes of letting others know they're not alone in their grief. \n#mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #brokenhearted #relationships #open #poly","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false,"token":"eyJpbWciOiJodHRwczpcL1wvcmlja29sbGllLmNvbVwvd3AtY29udGVudFwvdXBsb2Fkc1wvMjAyNVwvMDVcL0Fnbmllc3prYS1SZGVzaW5za2EtMTAyNHg2NjAuanBnIiwidHh0IjoiS2VlcCBDaGFzaW5nIFBhdmVtZW50cyBvciBHaXZlIFVwIG9uIExvdmU_IiwidGVtcGxhdGUiOiJoaWdod2F5IiwiZm9udCI6IiIsImJsb2dfaWQiOjk2NzQ3MDE2fQ.PbmI6GmLfalsvQu_ujOuAuuQskfQ4fabc1OOkeSNOloMQ"},"version":2,"attached_media":[{"id":8862,"url":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Sunny-vacation.jpeg","type":"image\/jpeg"}]},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12188,770053164],"tags":[770053052,770052839,770053840,770053848,770053849,770053510,770052898,770053064,770053190,770053841,770053839,770053842,770053845,770053846,770053844,770053847,770053843],"class_list":["post-8809","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healing","category-therapy","tag-adele","tag-agnieszka-rdesinska","tag-breakups","tag-chasing-pavements","tag-dailyprompt-1937","tag-hypnotherapist","tag-mental-health","tag-mental-health-awareness-month","tag-miley-cyrus","tag-morality","tag-more-to-lose","tag-mutual-respect","tag-non-monogamy","tag-polyamory","tag-self-awareness","tag-tears-for-fears","tag-types-of-relationship-in-love"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Keep Chasing Pavements or Give Up on Love? - Rick Ollie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Love\u2014whether in friendship, monogamy, polyamory, or something undefined\u2014asks us to show up with truth. 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