{"id":2530,"date":"2024-04-11T15:01:23","date_gmt":"2024-04-11T19:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/?p=2530"},"modified":"2025-10-29T16:40:45","modified_gmt":"2025-10-29T20:40:45","slug":"the-hard-truth-about-avoidants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hard Truth About Avoidants"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>With<\/em><\/strong> <strong><em>Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska, <strong><em>&nbsp;RTT Hypnotherap<\/em><\/strong>ist and NLP Coach<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not even Han and Princess Leia had a perfect relationship but let&#8217;s see how I can address the issues that helped shatter mine, as I&#8217;ve learned I have to love myself before I can love anyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"673\" height=\"1024\" data-attachment-id=\"2607\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/screenshot-27\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?fit=1125%2C1711&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1125,1711\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;Screenshot&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1712842735&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Screenshot&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"han-leia-i-love-you-i-know-hat-star-wars-may-4-reflection.webp\" data-image-description=\"&lt;p&gt;A pink hat featuring the iconic exchange between Han Solo and Leia\u2014\u201cI love you.\u201d \u201cI know.\u201d\u2014a line that has come to represent a certain kind of love: confident, unspoken, and deeply felt. For two people who shared a love of Star Wars, it carried meaning beyond the screen. Placed within 3:16 \u2014 The Run I Couldn&amp;#8217;t Finish and shared on May 4, it becomes more than a reference\u2014it becomes a symbol of connection, memory, and the kind of love that doesn\u2019t always get to finish its story\u2026 but never really leaves.&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-image-caption=\"&lt;p&gt;\u201cI love you.\u201d&lt;br \/&gt;\u201cI know.\u201d&lt;br \/&gt;\u2014Han Solo &amp;#038; Leia&lt;\/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Some love becomes part of you\u2026even when the story doesn\u2019t stay.&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?fit=673%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?resize=673%2C1024&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2607\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?resize=673%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 673w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?resize=197%2C300&amp;ssl=1 197w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?resize=768%2C1168&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?resize=1010%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1010w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/I-Love-You-I-Know-1.jpg?w=1125&amp;ssl=1 1125w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 673px) 100vw, 673px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>I Love You I Know<\/em><\/strong>, Star Wars<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Agnieszka and I actually talk quite often as <strong><em>&#8216;friends&#8217;<\/em><\/strong>; those conversations are held in private between us. Then there are times I need to battle my demons and shift into patient mode. This is one of those times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Before I go on, I&#8217;d like to give &#8216;mom&#8217; a shoutout. We see you, Marzena. However, I&#8217;m not sure to feel honored or frightened \ud83e\udd23 about your presence as you read my <strong><em>&#8216;healing journey&#8217;<\/em><\/strong> with your daughter, who, in my eyes, is the BEST at what she does. Thank you for joining in! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"616\" height=\"620\" data-attachment-id=\"2556\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/agnieszka-rdesinska-on-avoidant-attachment-styles-2-2\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?fit=616%2C620&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"616,620\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?fit=616%2C620&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?resize=616%2C620&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2556\" style=\"width:650px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?w=616&amp;ssl=1 616w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?resize=298%2C300&amp;ssl=1 298w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Agnieszka-Rdesinska-on-Avoidant-Attachment-Styles-2.jpg?resize=200%2C200&amp;ssl=1 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 616px) 100vw, 616px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Agnieszka Rdesinska: RTT Hypnotherapist, NLP Coach<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8216;Therapist&#8217;<\/em><\/strong> Agnes has found a great way of splitting our friendship and her professionalism when needed. I&#8217;m glad, she has more patience than I, or we&#8217;d never get anywhere trying to solve my issues at hand. And when I asked her about <strong><em>&#8216;attachment styles&#8217;<\/em><\/strong> with the underlying video off of <strong><em>Instagram<\/em><\/strong>, I knew I had to shift to patient mode as she would stay the course until the end of its subject matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-videopress\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"VideoPress Video Player\" aria-label='VideoPress Video Player' width='421' height='750' src='https:\/\/videopress.com\/embed\/LMzv0T7H?cover=1&amp;preloadContent=metadata&amp;useAverageColor=1&amp;hd=0' frameborder='0' allowfullscreen data-resize-to-parent=\"true\" allow='clipboard-write'><\/iframe><script src='https:\/\/v0.wordpress.com\/js\/next\/videopress-iframe.js?m=1739540970'><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Avoidant <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Our session began as I asked, &#8220;If this is true, (the video above) then would the avoidant settle for someone much less, even than themselves?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I had seen signs of avoidance but had taken it as fear from a recent divorce. Not wanting to get overly close, too soon, to anyone afterwards, had happen to me as well. In all seriousness, it had taken me seventeen years to get this close to someone I felt comfortable enough with to actually <strong><em>&#8216;feel&#8217;<\/em><\/strong> the real meaning of love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Agnes, as Agnieszka often goes by, immediately replied &#8220;Absolutely.&#8221; And then proceeded to explain that an avoidant may choose, the worst men from the dating pool (neither of us are saying women are the only ones with abandonment styles, she&#8217;s using me as the abandonee) and I mean really the worst because that&#8217;s the only way they feel safe in a relationship. And on the slightest sign of emotional vulnerability, they bolt &#8211; &#8220;because they can&#8217;t abandon them, if they abandon them first.&#8221; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I went on to tell Agnes more of my upbringings, &#8216;My grandparents raised me, and they were old-fashioned. Finish born and I was actually embarrassed as a child. We didn\u2019t have a nice home. I didn\u2019t have the things other kids had so I always wanted better.&#8217; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Humbly, I added, &#8220;Now I regret those feelings and admit with her (my avoidant) it wasn&#8217;t the issues&#8230;it was actually knowing someone from the inside first as opposed to material, looks or financially.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;That makes a lot of sense. What a wonderful self-reflection,&#8221; Agnes continued &#8220;What makes it even more mind blowing is that both actually come from the same feeling, but the ego adopted different strategies to cope.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To further clarify the connection between the two, Agnes says, &#8221; I&#8217;d add here what I mean to avoid confusion &#8211; An avoidant person might look for partners that are \u201cworse\u201d than they are, a person who grew up not having nice things might want someone \u201cbetter\u201d. But both of these come from the same underlying feeling &#8211; \u201cI am not enough\u201d. Because if someone goes for a partner that&#8217;s worse, they\u2019ll feel better about themselves in comparison, the bad partner provides contrast. If someone goes for a better partner, they&#8217;ll feel better about themselves because someone this good, wants and loves them.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"736\" height=\"736\" data-attachment-id=\"2585\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?fit=736%2C736&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"736,736\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?fit=736%2C736&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=736%2C736&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2585\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?w=736&amp;ssl=1 736w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/107c726f400fb598ddf222707a6fd3f8.jpg?resize=200%2C200&amp;ssl=1 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 736px) 100vw, 736px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;You have to imagine that an avoidant is like a cat,&#8221; expressed Agnes. &#8220;They come and go as they please, as long as you keep your cool. The moment you want their attention, they bolt. The moment you close the door to force them to stay with you in your room, they&#8217;ll keep scratching at it to get out. A person with avoidant attachment style is the same &#8211; they can&#8217;t cope with the feeling of being trapped, it feels smothering and suffocating and they got to run. That&#8217;s how their fear of intimacy expresses itself. The person with anxious attachment style is in terrible distress whenever their partner isn&#8217;t there. They want some reassurance that their partner still loves them and will ask for it, which will push the avoidant partner even further away,&#8221; she asserts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;That&#8217;s why both parties need to put in the work,&#8221; Agnes declared. &#8220;Otherwise, they&#8217;ll just keep triggering each other. They will have to challenge their fears &#8211; fear of rejection, fear of abandonment and fear of intimacy. They&#8217;ll also have to work on their self -esteem.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Before embarking on the avoidant and anxious attachment styles, I had asked Agnes which attachment seemed to fit me. &#8221; It depends, are you &#8220;needy&#8221; in relationships? Do you seek a lot of validation?&#8221; She had replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" data-attachment-id=\"2589\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?fit=1500%2C1000&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1500,1000\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2589\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?resize=1200%2C800&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/anxious-attachment-5204408_final-8097b866bc014bdba30e2ff9175b39cf-1.jpg?w=1500&amp;ssl=1 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I kind of hee-hawed at my response, not knowing how to analyze myself, in a split second, and used a newspaper analogy while suggesting, &#8220;No not really I covered mainly politics and there\u2019s never any there. This blogging is something totally new to me.&#8221; In hindsight, as I type this, I realize that even bad publicity is validation as its still being talked about, so maybe I was and still am needy of praise one way or another. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"960\" height=\"500\" data-attachment-id=\"2595\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/attachment-styles-s\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?fit=960%2C500&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"960,500\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"attachment-styles-S\" data-image-description=\"&lt;p&gt;Attachment Styles&lt;\/p&gt;\" data-image-caption=\"&lt;p&gt;Attachment Styles &lt;\/p&gt;\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?fit=960%2C500&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?resize=960%2C500&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2595\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?w=960&amp;ssl=1 960w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?resize=300%2C156&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/attachment-styles-S.jpg?resize=768%2C400&amp;ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Below are some definitions that Agnes included.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Definitions <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Attachment styles are patterns of how we think, feel, and behave in close relationships. They&#8217;re shaped by our early experiences with our close ones and affects how we act with friends, family, and partners.<\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Secure Attachment:<\/em><\/strong> Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. They&#8217;re good at communicating their needs and responding to their partner&#8217;s, leading to stable and healthy relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Anxious Attachment:<\/em><\/strong> Anxious individuals crave closeness and intimacy but often fear their partner doesn&#8217;t feel the same way. This can lead to behaviors like constant seeking for validation and fear of abandonment, which can strain relationships. They can come off as &#8220;needy&#8221;. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Avoidant Attachment:<\/em><\/strong> Those with an avoidant attachment style value independence to the point of pushing others away, often because getting too close feels vulnerable. They might seem distant or uninterested in deep emotional connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment:<\/em><\/strong> Fearful-avoidant individuals are torn between craving closeness and being terrified of it. Their behavior can be unpredictable, swinging between extremes of clinging and distancing, which makes relationships challenging. One day it&#8217;s &#8220;I love you, let&#8217;s be together forever!&#8221;, and next day it&#8217;s &#8220;I don&#8217;t have time, don&#8217;t message me&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/clarity_for_mind\"><\/a>&#8220;Fearful avoidant is usually the one people have in mind when they talk about toxic patterns, and I&#8217;m convinced its trauma related but I don&#8217;t have the data to prove it,&#8221; Agnes maintains. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/clarity_for_mind\"><\/a>&#8220;It&#8217;s the cycle of &#8220;I love you!&#8221; &#8220;I hate you!&#8221; that leaves people incredibly <strong><em>hurt and confused.<\/em><\/strong> It doesn&#8217;t mean everyone with fearful\/disorganized attachment style is borderline of course, just that many people will borderline personality disorder have it,&#8221; she concludes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/chaBa4c5fNU?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/clarity_for_mind\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>My Take:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" data-attachment-id=\"2598\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2024\/04\/11\/the-hard-truth-about-avoidants\/img_6185\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?fit=2316%2C3088&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"2316,3088\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;2.2&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;iPhone 12 mini&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1697621853&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;2.71&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;250&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.016666666666667&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"IMG_6185\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=768%2C1024&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2598\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=1152%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1152w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=1536%2C2048&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=900%2C1200&amp;ssl=1 900w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=600%2C800&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=450%2C600&amp;ssl=1 450w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=300%2C400&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=150%2C200&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?resize=1200%2C1600&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/rickollie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/IMG_6185.jpg?w=2000&amp;ssl=1 2000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In Agnes&#8217; closing on &#8216;fearful avoidant&#8217; I use the photo above in which my ICD (defibrillator implant) is being monitored by my cardiologist, during a follow-up last year, after several heart procedures: it&#8217;s a gesture of not being fearful nor avoidant. But it&#8217;s not the same as in a relationship. One deals with life and the other is death. I chose to live on both counts and have beaten one in its own playground and plan on beating the other in its.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Thank you once again, Agnes. You&#8217;ve boughten so much change and understanding into my life that&#8217;s it&#8217;s amazing. You truly are the best and a wonderful friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I leave you with my favorite clip of Oprah. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video aligncenter wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-videopress\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"VideoPress Video Player\" aria-label='VideoPress Video Player' width='421' height='750' src='https:\/\/videopress.com\/embed\/ZibmR2zy?cover=1&amp;preloadContent=metadata&amp;useAverageColor=1&amp;hd=0' frameborder='0' allowfullscreen data-resize-to-parent=\"true\" allow='clipboard-write'><\/iframe><script src='https:\/\/v0.wordpress.com\/js\/next\/videopress-iframe.js?m=1739540970'><\/script>\n<\/div><figcaption><strong><em>Oprah<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Agnes&#8217; Website and Social Media Sites:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/clarityformind.com\/\">Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), Hypnotherapy &amp; Coaching Services in English, Polish &amp; Dutch | Clarity for Mind<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/clarity_for_mind\/\">Clarity for Mind | Agnieszka Rdesinska (@clarity_for_mind) \u2022 Instagram <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.threads.net\/@clarity_for_mind\">Clarity for Mind | Agnieszka Rdesinska (@clarity_for_mind) on Threads<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61552256660406\">Facebook<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Follow me on Instagram at&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/rickollie\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">rickollie<\/a>&nbsp;and subscribe to my email list here at the bottom of the page! And if you enjoy my website, please consider a small donation to help me keep it afloat at&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/justmeric\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">paypal.me\/justmeric<\/a>. Thank You.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><strong><em>You can find all my sites on&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/linktr.ee\/rickollie\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Linktree<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An avoidant person might look for partners that are \u201cworse\u201d than they are, a person who grew up not having nice things &#8230;<\/p>","protected":false},"author":91886495,"featured_media":2555,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Just Released:\nThe Hard Truth About Avoidants\nWith: Agnieszka (Agnes) Rdesinska, \u00a0RTT Hypnotherapist and NLP Coach\n#Therapist #HealingJourney #Healing #ILoveYouIHateYou #AttachmentStyles #MentalHealth \n#Love #StarWars #Oprah #Follow #AgnieszkaRdesinska","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[770053164],"tags":[770052839,770052988,770052987,770052752,770052804,770052991,770052986,770052852,770052990,770052851,770052783,770052989],"class_list":["post-2530","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-therapy","tag-agnieszka-rdesinska","tag-attachment-styles","tag-avoidant","tag-healing","tag-healing-journey","tag-i-hate-you-i-love-you","tag-i-love-you-i-know","tag-nlp-coach","tag-oprah","tag-rtt-hypnotherapist","tag-therapist","tag-video"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - 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