{"id":16016,"date":"2026-09-24T10:38:39","date_gmt":"2026-09-24T14:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/?p=16016"},"modified":"2026-09-25T08:36:15","modified_gmt":"2026-09-25T12:36:15","slug":"both-sides-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2026\/09\/24\/both-sides-now\/","title":{"rendered":"Both Sides Now"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">The Question<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I asked a close friend who has been doubling as my editor lately a strange question the other day: Which song sounds more like me\u2014Joni Mitchell&#8217;s \u201cBoth Sides Now\u201d or Charlene&#8217;s \u201cI&#8217;ve Never Been to Me\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Pbn6a0AFfnM?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong>Joni Mitchell: Both Sides Now<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She knows me <strong>better<\/strong> than my therapist and knows all about my past escapades throughout life. So, I thought if anyone could give me an honest reply, it would be her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe it&#8217;s a midlife crisis question, considering everything I&#8217;ve been going through lately. Yet at my age you&#8217;d think I&#8217;d have myself figured out by now. Hell, some days I think I do. Other days, I&#8217;m not so sure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Her answer was <strong>\u201cBoth Sides Now.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not because I&#8217;m some wise, fully figured-out guy who has neatly made peace with everything. Quite the opposite. She thinks I&#8217;m still wrestling with things, revisiting people and moments, trying to understand what happened, what it meant, and why certain things still matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And she&#8217;s right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are things from my past that still occasionally ache. Questions I know I&#8217;ll probably never get answered. A closure I&#8217;ve wanted for a long time that may never come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yet I&#8217;m happy. I&#8217;m in love with Maya and here&#8217;s still plenty I&#8217;m looking forward to. Cancer can scare the hell out of me one day, and the next I&#8217;m thinking about what comes next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe that&#8217;s what she meant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Two Things Can Be True<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Life doesn&#8217;t fit neatly into good or bad, love or hurt, past or present. Sometimes two things can be true at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A relationship can hurt deeply and still have been one of the most meaningful relationships of life. Forgiving someone doesn&#8217;t mean pretending what happened didn&#8217;t matter. Missing something doesn&#8217;t necessarily mean wanting it back. Looking at where I&#8217;ve been doesn&#8217;t mean I want to return there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/txGhgfo6Iew?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong><em>Charlene: I&#8217;ve Never Been to Me<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Still Figuring It Out<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then she said something that stopped me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cI don&#8217;t think you&#8217;ve completely figured out who you are yet.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I laughed when I read it, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew she was right. I&#8217;m still figuring it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After everything I&#8217;ve experienced, there are still questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What does this mean? What did I learn? Why does this still matter? Who am I after all of this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s not a bad thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>I&#8217;ve Never Been to Me<\/em> feels like someone arriving at a conclusion about their life. <strong>\u201cBoth Sides Now\u201d<\/strong> feels more like someone still looking at it from different angles, still learning what it all means.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s where I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Somewhere between looking back and moving forward, carrying certain things while finally letting others go. There&#8217;s room for loving people from a distance while loving someone else right beside me. There&#8217;s room for fear, hope, curiosity and even a little confusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And maybe that&#8217;s why I&#8217;m still writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">The Song I Would Choose<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then I started thinking about the song <strong>I<\/strong> would choose for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not the one that describes the question. Not the one my friend chose. The one that, after everything I&#8217;ve told you, feels most like me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2vRsEC65NTA?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=es-MX&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><strong>Bob Seger: Against the Wind<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Against the Wind<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;ve spent a lot of my life moving forward while carrying things behind me. Some were beautiful. Some hurt like hell. Some I still don&#8217;t completely understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;ve loved people deeply. I&#8217;ve been hurt deeply. I&#8217;ve been abandoned and still refused to become someone who abandons others. Life has taken pieces of me and given me others in return. It&#8217;s no wonder I&#8217;m still asking myself who I am and what all of it means.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then there&#8217;s cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forty months of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I&#8217;m still making plans for Boston.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s why <strong>\u201cAgainst the Wind\u201d<\/strong> feels like mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Who I Am Now<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It&#8217;s not a song about winning. It&#8217;s about continuing when the wind is in your face. Looking back without pretending the past didn&#8217;t happen, while still putting one foot in front of the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s what I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don&#8217;t erase my past to move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>I carry it and keep going.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because that&#8217;s who I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe that&#8217;s what I&#8217;ve been trying to figure out all along. Not who I was, not who somebody else thought I should be, but who I am <strong>now<\/strong>, after everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\">Still Moving Forward<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don&#8217;t need a final answer as I&#8217;m allowed to keep asking questions. I&#8217;m allowed to see both sides. I&#8217;m allowed to have regrets and gratitude, scars and hope, memories and new beginnings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because I&#8217;m still here, still writing and most importantly&#8230;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;<strong>I&#8217;m still moving forward.<\/strong> \u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em>If you\u2019ve enjoyed what you read here, please subscribe to my email list at the bottom of the page<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong>. Consider making a small donation to help keep my website afloat at&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/justmeric\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">JustMeRic<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><strong><em>And check out my&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/shop\/rickollie?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsfshop_X2H33BYQ9M4J6VKWB55M\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Amazon Creator Storefront<\/a>. There you\u2019ll see some of the awesome purchases I\u2019ve made and recommend. Yes, I earn a small commission when you shop there.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><strong><em>You can also find all of my sites in one place on&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/linktr.ee\/rickollie\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Linktree<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Real Talk, 3:16<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve loved people deeply. I&#8217;ve been hurt deeply. I&#8217;ve been abandoned and still refused to become someone who abandons others.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":91886495,"featured_media":16027,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"A question to my editor turned into something much bigger: two songs, my past, relationships, cancer, forgiveness, and figuring out who I am. Maybe life isn\u2019t about having all the answers. Maybe it\u2019s about seeing both sides and keeping moving forward. \u2764\ufe0f #BothSidesNow #RealTalk #316 #LifeLessons #SelfReflection #LookingBack #MovingForward #PersonalGrowth #Relationships #Forgiveness #CancerJourney #StillFighting #KeepMovingForward #RickOllie #LoveMeAnyways ","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[770054416,770054455],"tags":[770052886,770054657,770054654,770053153,770054656,770054452,770054204,770054658],"class_list":["post-16016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-770054416","category-real-talk","tag-770052886","tag-against-the-wind","tag-both-sides-now","tag-ive-never-been-to-me","tag-midlife","tag-real-talk","tag-relationship","tag-who-i-am-now"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.5 - 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