{"id":14384,"date":"2026-05-07T08:33:13","date_gmt":"2026-05-07T12:33:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/?p=14384"},"modified":"2026-05-07T09:02:25","modified_gmt":"2026-05-07T13:02:25","slug":"love-later-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2026\/05\/07\/love-later-in-life\/","title":{"rendered":"What Love Looks Like Now…"},"content":{"rendered":"

…After everything I\u2019ve been through<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t expect to find myself here, asking questions about love again at this stage of my life. Love later in life looks different than it once did, and I\u2019m still learning what that really means.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Between cancer, heart disease, and a heartbreak that never really got closure back in 2023, a lot of my time has been spent just trying to steady myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some days mean dealing with the physical side of things. Other days it\u2019s the emotional weight that lingers, especially being left without a word by someone I loved deeply. That kind of silence doesn\u2019t just disappear. It stays with you in ways that are hard to explain unless you\u2019ve been through it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning How to Carry It<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Working with Agnes, my therapist, has helped me sort through a lot of that. Not all at once, and not in a way where everything suddenly makes sense, but enough to feel like I\u2019m moving forward instead of standing still. It\u2019s been more about learning how to carry things differently than trying to erase them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Woman<\/a>
The one who helped me make sense of things when nothing seemed to make sense.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

With May<\/strong> being Mental Health Awareness Month<\/strong>, I\u2019ve found myself appreciating that process even more. The quiet work. The honest conversations. The parts of healing that don\u2019t always get seen or talked about, but matter just as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Maya Came into My Life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere in the middle of all that, Maya came into my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Maya<\/a>
The kind of smile that feels like peace, not something you have to earn, just something you\u2019re lucky enough to be part of.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

She lives in Boston while I\u2019m in Detroit, and somehow, she found me through my blog. What makes it even stranger is realizing that near the end of 2023, we were on the same subway car in Boston, sitting across from each other, holding eye contact the entire ride without saying a word. I remember being amazed at how beautiful she was, but I was too frightened to say anything because of the pain I was feeling. Now it\u2019s one of those moments I look back on and can\u2019t quite ignore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve been talking and dating for about a month now. It\u2019s long distance, but it’s real. There\u2019s something there that makes me want to keep showing up, even with everything else I\u2019m carrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I\u2019m Carrying Into This<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There is a lot I\u2019m carrying, and Maya and I have had this discussion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Man<\/a>
Rick<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Trust doesn\u2019t come easy after what I went through, and my health is a constant part of my life. Neither are something I can set aside. The treatments I\u2019m on have changed things in ways people don\u2019t always talk about, and that has a way of getting into my head. It makes me question what I can offer, whether it\u2019s enough, and whether it\u2019s fair to even bring someone else into it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On top of that, there\u2019s always that quiet thought in the background, wondering if history could repeat itself. Getting close to someone again means accepting that risk, when I’m trying to stay grounded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the Conversation Got More Complicated<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It came back up while talking to Agnes last night, and if I\u2019m being honest, it wasn\u2019t just about relationship structure. Part of it was fear. The kind that creeps in quietly and makes me question my worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The treatments I\u2019m on have changed things, and one of the hardest parts to sit with is not being able to get an erection. That\u2019s not an easy thing to say out loud, but it\u2019s real. It gets in my head. It makes me wonder if I’m enough, or if at some point Maya might start to feel like something is missing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That thought alone can push you into trying to find ways to compensate, even if they don\u2019t truly fit who I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was about this time; I found myself going back to \u201cNorthern Wind\u201d by City and Colour. There\u2019s something about it that makes me feel steady, like I’m not trying to rush anything. Just letting things be what they are and seeing where they go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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