{"id":11704,"date":"2025-11-28T10:12:13","date_gmt":"2025-11-28T15:12:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/?p=11704"},"modified":"2025-12-08T20:30:10","modified_gmt":"2025-12-09T01:30:10","slug":"the-hardest-decision-ive-ever-had-to-make-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickollie.com\/es\/2025\/11\/28\/the-hardest-decision-ive-ever-had-to-make-is\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hardest Decision I’ve Ever Had to Make Is"},"content":{"rendered":"

Asking My Therapist this Question<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After last week’s Lupron Injection<\/a><\/em><\/strong>, as part of my cancer treatment, my mind was aloof to nearly everything. Hell, I didn’t know how I was to feel about it. Sure, it was good news in a sense knowing the shot would hinder my cancers growth, but it isn’t a cure. Add all the other mental issues the diseases reoccurrence had created I wasn’t giving a shit about anything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Kristin with the Lupron Injection<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I thought I had to be strong enough to keep my feelings in check after working Agnes<\/em><\/strong> as long as I have. Plus, all those ‘you’re strong’s’ and ‘you’re brave’s’ you’ve all offered; I didn’t want my fears showing once again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I had had enough. I needed to know the answer and asked my friend and therapist<\/em><\/strong> … <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Agnieszka (Agnes<\/a>) Rdesinska<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“How I should be feeling about everything?”<\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Therapist<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been thinking about what you said, about wondering how you should feel. The truth is, there is no \u201cshould\u201d here. No one gets to tell you how you\u2019re meant to feel while going through something so deeply personal and difficult. Whatever you feel right now \u2013 whether it\u2019s fear, anger, exhaustion, disbelief, hope or even numbness \u2013 is valid. It\u2019s real. It\u2019s yours.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This path you\u2019re on has asked so much of you for so long. It makes sense that you might be tired, maybe even worn thin in places. Sometimes it probably feels like just when you\u2019re catching your breath, something happens again. It\u2019s okay to feel that it\u2019s unfair or too much.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I won\u2019t pretend to know exactly what comes next, but I do know this: there is no such thing as endless struggle, even when it sometimes feels that way. And wherever you’re heading, you are not going there alone. You\u2019re surrounded by people who care about you and who will stand by you no matter what the path asks of you.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know people often call you strong, and I understand how tiring that can be. Strength isn\u2019t always a choice, and it doesn\u2019t mean you haven\u2019t felt pain or doubt. You shouldn\u2019t have to be strong all the time, and you don\u2019t need to carry that expectation for anyone. What I see in you isn\u2019t just strength. I see someone who has endured, felt deeply, broken at times, and still allowed himself to care, hope, question and connect. You\u2019ve kept going. That matters more than being \u201cstrong.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m here for you, Rick, no matter what. Whatever comes, you don\u2019t face it alone.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ghosts of Christmas Past<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve started this on Thanksgiving Day,<\/em><\/strong> and I have no clue where I’m headed nor what I’ll type. But I’ll begin here by wishing Happy Holidays<\/em><\/strong> to all that are reading. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And to Casey, Michelle and Natalia I have confidence you’re reading this too. Know that these greetings are for you, as is this song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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